Shattering the Looking Glass
by LadyGraceGrey
Summary: Grianne is recently widowed and trying to start a new life with her 2 young children. Fate, or maybe chance, or maybe a Girl-Not-a-Girl-Glowy-Burny-Monster-Thingy that wants her blood, leads her to the world of Thedas. With no way home of course! Having to start over is hard enough, but learning a whole new world will be so much harder. And What are Copper Marigolds! Slight AU&OC
1. Breaking Through

Chapter One; Breaking Through

Snow fell thick as I unloaded the last bag from the car. A week away from it all was just what we needed. The quiet of the mountains and the ability to just be a family again, it was all I had thought about for months.

Yume clung to my back in the baby carrier, wrapped up in her heavy coat with her own little backpack on her back. It made me smile to think she had grown so fast. Little Jace was fast asleep in the sling on my front, nestled into my breast and still warm from the car.

I had been planning this little trip to the cabins since I had gotten the notice of my husband's death. Though if I am being honest, the eviction of our family from the apartments we had been staying in probably expedited the planning.

I needed to start new, and this would be a good place to catch my breath before I would have to jump back into the real world and make a new life for us. As a bonus, that sleazy weasel of a landlord had no idea where I was, and wouldn't be able to call me up here. I was willing to do many things for my babies, but sleeping with that man for rent was not one of them.

I shouldered the sailors pack bag filled with some food and a few outfits for me and Jace, and started the very short hike to the cabin we had rented. By rented I do mean however that I used to work up here in the winter months and the caretaker had given me a key out of sympathy. But it would do for now, just a week or so.

The cabin would not have much in the way of modern comforts, most everything being turned off for the off season. But I knew it had a fireplace, and a well system for the water. I was used to doing more with less. I opened the door to the cabin with the key I had been given. But the door swung open for me without me turning the lock.

"Look Yume, Uncle Jasper must have gotten the place ready for us!" I told my little girl. She giggled and kicked against my back. The fireplace was already roaring, and the whole room was bathed in the warm glow.

It was a small place; the front room had a small kitchenette to the right with a small breakfast nook tucked into the far corner. There was a door to the left that led to the bathroom, and a small hallway that led to the single bedroom just past that. But for the warmth I couldn't help the shiver that crawled down my spine.

I quickly closed and locked the door behind me. _"Just a draft." _ I moved further into the cabin, something tickling in my mind to not let my babies out of my arms just yet. "Jasper? You in here?" I called. Something shifted in the bedroom, and I stepped back. The door opened, and a young woman smiled at me from the hall.

"Oh! Sorry I didn't hear you come in!" She said cheerfully. "Um, hello. Are you a new worker here? Jasper didn't tell me he hired anyone." I asked. A pleased look crossed her face for just an instant, "Yes, That's me! I was just getting the place ready for your arrival." She came to my side and took my bag from me. "We can set you things into the room, I am sure that you are ready to set your little ones down."

I stood there for a moment. I tried to remember if I had mentioned exactly when I would be dropping by to Caretaker Jasper. I drew blanks. I was trying to think if I had ever heard of this new girl either, but my mind couldn't really pin point a hair color or distinguishing feature to her face. It was unsettling, but I had been so busy lately that it must have slipped my mind.

I followed her to the room belatedly, _"The sooner she sees me settled, the sooner she will leave." _I thought. I opened the door to see my bag sitting on the bed and the girl nowhere to be seen. Yume squirmed a bit, "Momma! Lookit the pretty!" She pointed to the wall to my left.

There, taking up most of the corner and standing floor to ceiling was a huge mirror. "Play time!" Yume squealed. It was a favorite game of hers to make faces at herself in the mirror. But I was still looking for the girl, something was very off here.

"Hello?" I called out, but there was no where she could have gone. Unnerved now, I grabbed my bag quickly. "Yume, we will play later okay? Let's go find Uncle Jasper and have dinner for now." I turned to the door, and it slammed in my face, the noise waking Jace.

"**Well now… Isn't this a lucky surprise for me?" **A voice filled the air in the small room, making it seem to echo like a cathedral. "Momma, pretty not playing with me!" Yume whinned. I looked to the mirror quickly only to see it held no reflection. The surface rippled like a pool of water being hit by rain. I tried the handle on the door, only to come away burned. I hissed as I clutched my hand, my heart racing in my chest. I had to get out, had to keep my babies safe.

"Who are you?" I asked, semi proud for keeping my voice steady. **"Someone that needs to leave this place as much as you." **I paused, "What do you mean by that? Why are you here?" I heard a rush of air to my right and saw the girl calmly sitting on the bed. "I need to get home. I don't belong here either." She responded smiling.

"_I need to keep this girl and myself calm. I just need to find a way to be let go." _ "Okay, then do you need help? I think I can do that. We don't want to trouble you." I told her. Yume whimpered a bit against my back, wriggling into my neck to hide her face. Jace fussed a bit, and the girl glanced at him. "Perhaps you can help me." She smiled.

I brought my hands to Jace protectively and backed against the wall to shield Yume. She laughed lightly, "I don't need your young ones, have no fear." She stretched up from the bed in a single fluid movement. "I have poor people skills I have been told, I did not mean to frighten you." She smiled, looking more and more like a predator with each step towards me. "That's alright," I assured her, anything to keep her calm, "Where do you live, let's just get you home."

She giggled at that, something all together sinister and cold. **"So eager to be rid of me little human? Well I suppose that is for the best, this world lacks the smell of magic and the pull of the fade." **Her voice resonated as deep and discordant.

She grabbed my wrist from my hold on Jace and dragged me to the mirror. She dug her nails, suddenly sharp and long into my wrist. **"This pathetic body had no more blood to give after the last little trip, such a pity. But you will do." **She ripped into my flesh then, tearing a deep wound in the underside of my arm. My eyes welled with tears, and I wanted to scream in pain. I bit my cheek until I tasted copper, I would not let my daughter hear me be afraid. Not now.

The girl held my arm to the mirror, smearing the edges red and filling the small intricate carvings that wove around the fastenings. I began to get dizzy as my blood dripped down the side to the carpeted floor. **"You will of course have to come with me; I will need you to open the next one." **

I barely comprehended what she said as I started to struggle to hold myself up. "Mommy?" Yume whispered. "I'm fine hunny, just helping this lady get home. That's all." I reassured her in a soft voice. I was thankful she hadn't lifted her head from my neck. I had no desire for her to see this if I could help it. I glanced down at Jace in his sling.

He stared at me with wide eyes wet with tears. He was hungry, I distantly registered. The girl, or rather thing, chuckled darkly. **"Stay with me now mortal." **She chided. She chanted something strange and lyrical as she raised her own arms. Power flew from her palms and hit the mirror.

I heard the creaking of glass under strain as the ripples increased then smoothed. The mirror took on a bright blue iridescence, and she let my arm drop. **"Come little human." **She told me.I turned and grabbed my pack from where it had slipped off my arm, realizing that all our food was in there. And she grabbed my aching wrist again and pulled me through the mirror with her.

I closed my eyes, and heard the shatter of glass and the twisting of metal above me and around me. I braced for pain, but nothing came. It was a strange feeling that added to my already rolling stomach.

I opened my eye as we came into another place then. A seemingly vast place filled with many mirrors standing like a dead forest. The floor was a cobbled street, dilapidated and overgrown in parts, the whole color a dingy grey spreading in various shades and hues. The sky swirled endlessly above us, but never looked the same when you looked again.

The creature tugged me forward, not allowing me to take in the new sights. She led me at a quick march past so many mirrors I lost count. Some were broken, shattered and twisted but still standing; some seemed filled with darkness and shapes that made me shiver. I used my free arm to wrap around Yume's head, pushing her firmer into my neck to hide her face.

Jace was openly crying now, not understanding why I hadn't fed him yet nor why we were still moving about. I blinked back tears and my swimming vision that had more to do with the blood that still dripped freely from my injured arm, still being pulled along.

We finally stopped in front of another mirror, this one taller than most and rippling like the one back in the cabin. **"You will open this one as well." **The creature told me. Wearily I lifted my arm and began to place it against the rippling glass.

I heard a whistling followed by a thunk of something hitting solid mass. The creature shrieked next to me. I looked to see it on the ground on its knees, and arrow protruding from its back. The skin seemed to crackle and burn away from the bones, and I could hear the bones and marrow snapping in protest. The creature's form starting bubbling oddly and I moved away quickly.

Another arrow flew forward, hitting this time in the head. The creature burst forth as a glowing, burning mass of molten flesh and claws. The arrows all but burned away under the intense heat. **"You!" **It bellowed at me, **"You brought friends! I will take you with me!" **

It screamed and lunged at me. I spun on my heel, and tried to run, only to slip on a loose stone and fall to my knees. "MOMMA!" Yume screamed as she was pitched forward a bit. I spun around to face the beast on my knees, putting distance between my daughter and the monster, shielding my son with my arms.

A sound like a whip and the cracking of thunder split the air, followed by the chill of a strong wind and the sound of ice breaking under weight. In that moment all I could see was the creature inches from my head, frozen mid-motion. I moved quickly, scrambling backwards and shooting to my feet.

One last arrow flew into the beast, shattering the whole thing into chunks of molten flesh and frozen organs. A hooded man stepped from behind a mirror, bow loosely held in his arms. "Peace shemlan, I am no threat." He addressed me.

I staggered on my feet, the blood loss and the sudden movement overcoming me as the adrenalin faded. "Wha- I…" I tried to ask the questions that swirled in my mind, but I couldn't move my mouth to form them. I fell back to my knees, bracing my body on my uninjured arm.

I heard him move to my side, "How did you get to be here?!" He sounded angry. "P-please.." I barely whispered. He made a sound that could have been a curse I suppose, I wasn't sure. Everything sounded muted.

He slid my uninjured arm over his shoulder and helped me to my feet. We moved to the mirror the creature had been so anxious to open before.

Without prompting I lifted my wounded arm. "No, there is no need. I can open this myself." He told me. He made some sort of gesture, and I smelled the ozone of electricity. I dimly noticed a blue glow like before, then the movement of our feet as he guided me.

"Momma? Momma, I wanna go home." My precious girl said from behind me. "Almost baby, almost there. It's alright Yume." Jace had stopped crying, just wriggling and fussing a bit at his empty tummy. "Sir, my.. my bag." I pointed to the bag near the remains of the creature. He nodded, and snatched it on our way, never letting go of my waist as he did.

"Come, this way." He said, and we walked through this mirror. I felt warmth hit my face, and smelled bread and dust. I saw the stone walls of the room we were in, and felt the stone beneath my feet. But the blackness was closing in. "I'm sorry." I barely gritted out, before I felt my legs give out and the blackness took over.


	2. Meetings and Medicine

Chapter Two: Meetings and Medicine

The first thing I realized was that I was cold. I was shivering so hard I could feel my joints pop in protest. Second was that it was too hot in whatever blanket I was under, or what I assumed was a blanket. It was heavy and stifling and furry.

_ "I suppose it could be a bear." _Good! If I still have humor then I am okay. Not crazy and being chased by some weird ass, glowy, burning, monster-girl-child thingy, through a huge forest of creepy ass mirrors. _"Nope! We're good. All fine. Just a really weird dream brought on by… something. Probably a fever judging by the Hot and Cold sensations." _

Regardless, I was still not excited to open my eyes. I tried to listen for the sound of Yume or Jace sleeping in the room with me. Nothing. That brought me out of my fear quickly. I sat up, opening my eyes and blinking at the suddenly bright room.

I was in a bed, or cot rather, covered with furs. There were bowls on a stand by my cot, and what looked like first aid supplies. Nothing else was in the small room with me but a few torches on the wall. It looked like some sort of castle room or something, except everything was new. The fabrics not faded and the wood on the furniture and doors not worn or smooth yet. I threw off the covers, and set my feet on the cold floor.

I ignored the dizziness, the fact my legs didn't want to hold me up, and staggered as fast as I could to the heavy door. I grabbed the pull hoop and tugged hard, feeling pain rip through my now bandaged arm in the process. It didn't matter; I needed to find my children.

Opening the door brought me to a catwalk outside. It was dark, and sort of greenish light wise. I shrugged it off and tried to let my eyes adjust to the change. There were doors down the right, and the roof steeped down to a courtyard or garden of some type. To my left the walkway turned another sharp right to a towering stone structure. _"Guessing that is the main keep." _

Using the wall for balance I shuffled a tad quicker to the alcove. A quick glance told me that a set of stairs may not be the best idea right now. I shuffled to the second alcove; this one had a door like the one in the room I woke up in. I pulled on this door too, although it took me considerable more effort this time. I blinked in the darkness as I stumbled forward.

There was a wall of windows to my right, with doors out to a balcony. Moonlight provided a bit of a path for me. I saw a bed of all things, in the middle of the loft. And it truly was a loft, the left side ended in a railing that looked down into a huge hall. A Throne sat at the further most end of the hall on a dais, framed with the staggering amount of stained glass behind the throne climbing to the cathedral high ceiling.

I kept moving, not seeing a soul about, much less my children. I stumbled again; I could see my bandage turning red. I must have opened the wound in opening those doors. I caught myself on the footboard of the bed before my knees hit the carpet covered stone.

"Hello? Who is there?" A voice drifted to me from the balcony. "Sorry," I gritted out. Footsteps clipped quickly across the loft to where I knelt. White heeled boots entered my vision. "Oh! My dear, it's you! You shouldn't be awake yet, here." I felt arms help lift me to my feet again, and hands steady my shoulder as I fought for balance.

"One moment darling," She said, and then I was bathed in a cool sensation that tingled along my limbs. My arms felt lighter, and I was no longer quiet as dizzy. "Thank you!" I breathed. I had no clue what she did, but I wasn't complaining. I looked up finally now that my vision did not swim.

She was very pretty, with dark skin and high cheekbones. She had a shaved head, but it suited her. She held herself with the grace of a noble. _"Shit! Is this her castle?!" _ "Um.. thank you for helping me. I'm sorry, I was looking for my children." I told her, probably a tad too quickly. She pursed he lips, "What? No one was there to tell you where they were my dear?" She shook her head and led me to a chair to sit down.

"They are fine, not harmed at all. Our Lady Morrigan and her son took them just a few moments ago to the kitchens." She grabbed a blanket and draped it about my shoulders. "Though that hedge mage was supposed to be with you, not leave you unattended."

She huffed. I tried my best to keep my face calm, but I was having trouble keeping up. I held up my hand tentatively to stop her and took a breath. "_My children are safe, and eating apparently. This lady is nice. And they are..mages?" _I took one more slow breath through my nose and out my mouth, then met her gaze.

"I do not know where I am." I started. She blinked a few times, as if I had just told her I was a unicorn. Wait.. did they have those here? Where ever here was? Too many questions at once, I could feel panic building in my throat. I breathed again.

"Okay, now. My name is Grianne." I told her. "Oh! Of course my dear, I am Madame Vivienne." She sat on her bed as she spoke. "Thank you, now; where am I?" I asked her. I was hoping she would talk slowly for me. "Why you are at Skyhold! Home of the Inquisition of course. We are a few days ride from the Hinterlands in the Frostback Mountains dear."

Now it was my turn to blink, or rather I was trying not to cry. None of that sounded familiar at all! I was no ace geography student or anything, but I was pretty sure that those names didn't belong anywhere on any map I had seen.

As much as I had tried to keep myself from jumping to the idea that I was well and truly lost, I couldn't deny it now. It was just too much. I buried my head in my arms and sobbed openly. _"What was I going to do? Can we even get home? What must Yume and Jace be thinking?" _

I felt like I couldn't breathe, the enormity of it all finally closed in. What I had seen, the way we got here, and it all was something I could push back in the moment. I could not afford to let my children see me flinch at anything. I didn't want them to be scared.

But I was, and I could no longer hide it. I felt Vivienne's arms around me before I had even heard her move. "Hush dear, I am so sorry." She rubbed my back as I cried. She sighed, "I admit I am unsure how to answer your questions darling. That Lady Morrigan will be able to answer you better than me, though she didn't tell me why."

I felt more in control now, though I was still crying at least I wasn't sobbing and hiccupping. I looked up at my comforter, "I am sorry, I just.." I couldn't even begin. She nodded, "Well, let's get you back to bed for now, and I will send for the hedge mage to check your arm."

"But.. My babies.." I protested. She smiled, "They will be back with you as soon as they have eaten. We planned to have them stay with you the whole time my dear." She helped me stand again, adjusting the blanket so it would stay around my shoulders as we went. "Oh, thank you." Was all I could manage.

She waved a hand at my thanks and pushed open the door to the walkway. Now that I was not in such a panic, I noticed that the greenish light was a bit brighter than I first thought. I looked up to see if it was just the moonlight here, only to almost fall back again.

There hanging in the sky was a huge gaping hole in the clouds. It led into nothingness, and cast the green glow on the world. I couldn't take my eyes away.

"What? Is that normal?" I gasped. Vivienne turned to me fully then, holding me by both shoulders as she searched my face quizzically. "No," She said after a while, but her tone was more guarded now, "That is what we are trying to fix." I nodded, though I could not really understand.

After a moment, she steadied me again and guided me back to the small room. As soon as she had settled me again, she left, saying she would be back with the "Hedge Mage". I nodded and settled myself to wait.

In the quiet I was left to my thoughts, which was not the most pleasant of hobbies right then. It occurred to me that I had not asked about my rescuer yet. Of course, that may have gotten lost in the jumble of everything else, like where I had landed myself for starts. Or maybe, what happened to the sky, and how did they fix such a thing?

"_Okay Grace, breathe girl. Think this through." _I calmed a bit and took a better look around. I could probably assume this place was behind my own times, or close to equating that anyway. I did remember the mention of "Mages" several times.

My rescuer seemed to use something to freeze that thing from before. _What did they call it? A Demon? Well that makes sense." _I sighed, I really wished I had something to write all this down. It was going to get complicated quickly I was sure.

Vivienne had mentioned we were in the mountains. That made sense as well, it was rather cold here, and the air seemed thinner. _"Might not be much in the way of farm work then." _I thought dejectedly. This might be a tad harder than I thought.

Of course all this would not matter if I could get home. My thoughts were interrupted by the door opening again. "Pardon me, I heard you were awake." I tried very hard not to stare, really I did. "Ahem, yes! I am awake." _"Smooth Grace!"_

"Good. Well I apologize that I was not here when you awoke. In truth I am surprised you recovered so quickly." He stepped more into the light, and I couldn't stop staring anymore. He was bald for one thing. Not that I hadn't seen that of course, it wasn't that strange. It just drew attention to his very prominent pointed ears.

Very pointed ears… as in the kind that made me wonder if he had super hearing, or maybe ran into door frames often. "_Wow Grace! Rude!" _I mentally shook myself. "I didn't catch you name Sir." I tried for calm civility, though granted it was a little pinched sounding. "Solas. And you are?" He smiled.

I was more relived after hearing his name, "Grianne. Thank you." Funny how a simple name can cut a lot of awkwardness. Still didn't stop me from wanting to ask him about his ears, but made me not have to actually bite my tongue.

"Well Lady Grainne, let's have a look at your arm then. Madame Vivienne informed me that you had reopened the wound." Solas was already bent over my arm, gently starting to unwind the now red bandages. I winced a bit, "Yes, sorry about that. I was in a hurry, and didn't really want to slow down." He smiled a bit, "Yes I imagine so. Your children correct?" I nodded.

"Understandable." He acknowledged. He worked in silence for a bit after that. We didn't really have much more to say. For all my questions, I enjoyed the bit of peace. I watched him remove the last of the bandage, and drop in a bowl at his feet. I hadn't even had a chance to see the injury for myself.

It was equal parts fascinating and nauseating really. Four deep, ragged gashes spanned the underside of my arm from my wrist to just below my elbow. The three closest to the center fanned outward, stretching into my arm to make the deepest cuts. I remember the demon tearing at my arm to get blood flowing more freely. The one to the outside of my arm curved over the top, and was framed by several puncture marks from her nails.

It ached, but not much more than that. That was curious in itself really, I would think it should still hurt like hell, but it really only stung a little. Seeing the confusion on my face, Solas took my arm back. "I used a bit of magic to help close the deepest parts of the tears, and stop the bleeding." He explained.

My gaze snapped up to his then, "So, you are a.. mage?" Solas lips thinned a bit, "Does that bother you?" _"Good Grace, wonderful! Offend the man healing you!" _"No! No.. I just, have never met a mage before." Understatement of the century, but it would do. "Ah, my apologizes then. I should not have assumed." He looked up at me a bit softer now, "May I?" I nodded, "Of course! And thank you." I said.

He bathed my arm in the same green/blue swirling light as Vivienne had used, but stronger. I watch rapt as my skin started closing, knitting back before my eyes. It felt, odd. But not unpleasant really, and it didn't ache anymore.

He was done in a matter of moments. "There you are. I did not want to stretch the skin too quickly so I decided to do this in 3 sittings." He talked as he gathered the dirty bandages and a few other pots and bowls.

He handed me a mug as well, and I drank it without questions. It tasted awful, but made the dizziness go away. I rubbed my arm, being careful to see how much I could feel and move. "How long was I out then?" I asked. He chuckled, "Only two days. You lost a lot of blood for someone up and about now."

Again the thought of my rescuer bothered me, no one had mentioned him yet. "Um, Solas? The man that brought me here, where is he?" He laughed, "Have you grown tired of me already? Need a different elf to talk to?"

"_Elf! Well file that away. I mean no duh, but still!" _I giggled "No! I just knew got a chance to thank him for saving me from a huge burning demon before I decided to pass out on him." Solas looked thoughtful, "Well, he may be speaking with the Inquisitor now. I will have him come see you as soon as he is done." I smiled and nodded at him, "Thank you Solas, I would appreciate that." I moved to get out of bed again.

"What are you doing?" Solas chided. I pouted at him. Of course he wouldn't let me go would he. "I was going to find my children and maybe beg some food?" He chuckled again and shook his head. "There will be no dissuading you will there." He asked ruefully.

I gave him a crooked smile that promised trouble, "Would you like to see a mother be held back from her children Solas?" I asked him in too sweet a tone. He laughed at me, "No, indeed not. Come then, I will help you to the Main Hall, you can sit there while you have something to eat. I will send Morrigan to you there."

Feeling much better I almost jumped up, "See? That wasn't so bad! Thank you!" I let him lead me out the door and down to the hall. _"Well then, maybe not as complicated as I feared." _Yes, Optimism would serve me well. _"I hope…"_


	3. Making Friends

**Chapter three; Making Friends**

It was just starting to get light out as we made our way to the great hall. I was still moving slowly, but I could take better stock of the castle now. It was larger than I had originally though. We climbed down 2 flights of stairs and through a long hallway before we reached the main room of the keep.

Solas informed me that the visiting nobles typically took meals in their chambers, while the rest took meals in the great hall or the tavern. I may have perked up a bit at the discovery of a tavern.

Once he had settled me at one of the long tables he left to find my children, and some breakfast for us both. Left once again to myself I watched the various people that had started to shuffle in.

Some of them came in full armor. The chainmail jingling together as they walked or sat at the table. Others wore leather and cloth, most of the time loosely laced or with parts missing from the shoulders. _"Perhaps the watch change? Those just getting up and those off to bed maybe." _

Mixed in were what looked like servants or messengers, most hooded and bearing insignia's. They ran about with a purpose, barley acknowledging the people that had started eating and talking amongst themselves.

As it was, the hall was filling quickly and the noise was rising. Strangely enough, the table I sat at was avoided by the men and women gathering. I was close to the back of the room, near the throne. But the table was large, surly large enough for a company to sit with me.

I noticed the stares as well, some almost searing into me. No one held my gaze, and some even started whispering amongst themselves while gesturing in my direction. I puzzled over that, did all these people already know of me?

I looked down to avoid the glares; I wasn't ready to deal with that yet. Of course then I realized how I must seem to them. I was still wearing my clothing from home, so of course I would attract attention.

Cargo pants made of a green canvas material, black turtleneck sweater, with a sleeve cut off at the shoulder, and my Hiking boots, all would have made for a strange sight in itself. Lets add in that I still had blood stains from my arm and rips in my clothing and you have a recipe for gossip and suspicion.

Wonderful! I groaned and fought the urge to smack my head against the table. This was getting harder by the second, now I needed to find new clothing for me and I am sure for my children. I can only imagine how that went over. What with Yume in almost neon pink all over and Jace with the image of a race car sewn into the front of his footie pajamas.

That revelation lead to more concerns, _"How will I pay for said items? What kind of work can I even do? Where will we live? Good lord I will have to learn geography all over again.." _The list went on. My attention was drawn to the huge front entrance. Yume's giggles cut through all the noise to me, and I found myself moving before I could blink.

She was holding the hand of a much taller boy, and laughing with him. Behind them was a woman in what looked like purple rags, holding Jace on her shoulder. She caught my eye and smiled at me, "Ah! See Yume, I told you your mother would be up in no time." She said in a smooth voice.

Yume saw me then, and dropped the boy's hand held her arms up to me. "Momma! Your awake!" I caught her up in my arms and held her tightly. I couldn't speak, I was just so happy to hold her again. I woman patted my shoulder, "Come, let us move from the doorway so we may speak."

We sat at the table I had been at before. I sat Yume on my lap unwilling to let her go for the moment. "How have they been? Is Jace alright?" I asked her. She sat next to me and lifted Jace to sit on the table so I could see him. He smiled and cooed at me, deep dimples appearing on his little cheeks as he did.

"They are both well. You son eats like Kieran did." She laughed. I noticed the boy was sitting quietly across from me, looking for all the world like he had a million questions that would burst out at any minute. Belatedly I realized he probably did.

"I am so sorry, you are Morrigan correct? And this is Kieran I take it?" I smiled at the boy. Morrigan nodded, "Yes, this is my son." That put me substantially more at ease. To know that another mother had been caring for my children, and not some random woman, made me feel more safe.

I am sure she knew that too. I noticed she had replaced my children's clothing with something more suited to this world. Yume wore a red shirt that was too big on her, probably Kieran's, and a brown skirt that fell to her feet. The Race Car on Jace's outfit had been removed.

"Thank you for taking such good care of my children Lady Morrigan. You obviously went through a lot of trouble for people you do not know." She shook her head, "Do not thank me. I was much the same when I found myself in your world many years ago. I only did what was needed." I looked at her gob smacked as what she said sank in.

"_My World?! She.. She's knows my world?" _Of course it seemed silly now to think otherwise. She had not asked a single question about the clothing we wore and had not looked at us with suspicion as the rest had.

She placed a comforting hand on my arm, "We will speak more of this later, it is not the place to do so here." I looked around and saw we had attracted the attention of some of the people eating. She was right, we could talk later.

Simply knowing that someone else understood made my heart feel lighter. I turned my attention to my now bouncing girl and asked her about her new friend. Keiran smiled at me, and they both began to tell me about their adventures so far. How they had a great time exploring, and how they both liked the same foods.

They both chattered away, and I was more than happy to let them. It almost felt normal, and I was not about to let that go just yet. Yume squirmed out of my lap to show me how her new dress twirled, and Morrigan passed Jace to me.

Suddenly all was right with the world. I had everything that mattered to me right there, and they were just fine. Morrigan seemed to understand, and she urged Kieran to show me the hopping game they and made up. I laughed at their awkward little game, feeling almost deliriously happy.

Of course, as most children do, Yume lost her concept of space in the process and hopped straight into a rather large bearded man's path as he was walking by. I reached out and pulled her out of the way. He landed with a rather undignified thump on his backside, having tried to step back so as not to crush her.

"I am so sorry! Are you alright?" I gave Jace back to Morrigan, who seemed to be trying very hard not to laugh. I reached down to offer the man a hand up.

He barked out a very loud laugh and shook his head, "Well I think your pint-size princess just handed my arse to me. Other than that I'm fine." He grabbed my hand and let me help pull him up, wincing a bit.

A slow clap started from directly above us. I looked up to see a darker skinned man with a rather impressive mustache leaning over the banister clapping. "Good show! Wonderful way to make introductions. I must say it is rather refreshing to see our Grey Warden so utterly vanquished by a little girl. Had I know his weakness, I would have started a betting pool. Would have made a fortune!" He chuckled.

I snorted at that. The man next to me laughed, "Yeah, you do that Dorian. Next time you can be the one that tries not to crush the little one. Bet you'd fall on your face and muss your hair." Dorian made offended motion, "Preposterous! I, my dear warden, possess infallible grace and well as fabulous good looks! Isn't that right my dear lady?" I couldn't hold back the laughter this time, "Sorry love, you're not really my type." I winked at him.

"Oh, cheeky! Lovely! Be right down then." He turned and went through another door. "Stop watching me leave darling, its terrible manners." He called through the hallway. "Was there something I was supposed to notice?!" I yelled after him. I could hear his smooth laughter echo off the walls as he went.

The bearded man laughed and clapped my on the back, "Well my lady, anyone that can sass that man is good in my book. My name is Blackwall." I extended my hand, "Grianne, nice to meet you." "A pleasure my lady." He said, and bent over my hand instead of shaking it.

I blinked a couple of times and tried very hard to not flush. _"Right, courtly manners. Good going idiot!" _I schooled my face and smiled. Blackwall sat down like nothing happened, to him nothing did I suppose.

"Making friends already are we?" a voice sounded directly behind me. I jumped and squeaked a bit. Solas stood behind me holding two plates full of food, smirking at me. "Solas! Holy shit, you scared me!" I scolded him.

He just smiled wider, "My apologies, did I embarrass you in front of your new friends?" I tried to not laugh, really I did. It didn't work though. "Thank you for getting my food, you ass." I took my plate from him still smiling. He just chuckled, "Such manners!"

Morrigan was bouncing Jace on her hip and laughing along with us, "Well it seems you will get along better than I thought. " Yume and Kieran were already playing another game and weaving in and out through tables. Jace was starting to get tired I could see.

Before I could set down my plate and take him though Morrigan leveled me with a firm look. "I will take him and put him down for a rest. No doubt you need to eat something still. Yume and Kieran will be fine playing as they have the past few days." I relented, she was right.

She beckoned the children over, and they eagerly went ahead outside, Yume pausing to give me a quick hug before running after Kieran. "I will meet you in your room later, and we will talk. For now, be a peace. You are safe here." She told me in a soft tone before she headed out of the hall herself.

Now without my children I felt a bit more nervous. I didn't have time to stand awkwardly by the table however. Blackwall pushed a chair to me with his boot, and Solas pulled me down into it. Dorian appeared with his own plate of food, and one for Blackwall from a door in front of us.

"Can you believe it; they still won't give me any marmalade? I even tried to bribe that crotchety cook and she just turned her nose at me! Me!" Dorian huffed as he sat down and pushed Blackwall his plate.

"Perish the thought of dry bread served to you of all people Dorian." Solas deadpanned. "Simply because I have good taste and dripping good looks does not mean you must be so jealous Solas. Not everyone can be me!" Dorian posed dramatically. Well, as dramatic as one can be while sitting at a rough wood table with a plate of grey mash and dry bread.

"Watch Grianne, his head might crowd the table soon and we will all run out of air." Solas ignored Dorian and whispered to me just loudly enough for it to be overheard. "Really? Am I the last to know your name?" Dorian groused. I giggled, "I couldn't get a word in edgewise to tell you!"

"Well then, let me formally introduce myself. Dorian Pavus, formerly of Minrathos, at your service." I giggled a bit and summoned my most posh smile, "Charmed, I'm sure. Grianne of a whole different world."

Our table suddenly got very quiet. I realized my slip up too late to fix it. _"Grace! Fix this! No way are they going to understand, they will think you're insane!" _ But all I could think to say came out as a rather elegant, "Well, shit."


	4. Making Assumptions

**Chapter Four; Making Assumptions**

Our table suddenly got very quiet. I realized my slip up too late to fix it. _"Grace! Fix this! No way are they going to understand, they will think you're insane!" _ But all I could think to say came out as a rather elegant, "Well, shit."

I dropped my head into my hands, praying for a hole to come swallow me up. _"Well Grace, you are the paragon of subtlety! Truly well done girl!"_

Blackwall laughed, starting as a chuckle and soon drowning out the sounds of the hall around us. I peeked between my fingers. He smacked my back hard enough to make me have to brace myself against the table to avoid meeting the edge with my face.

"Did that sound better in your head my dear?" Dorian was smirking at me, "Because honestly that is a rubbish title." He shook his head at me. Blackwall was still laughing, trying to breathe in between barking guffaws.

I risked a glance at Solas. He was trying hard to keep his face straight as he watched me from the rim of his tankard.

The tension broken, I felt a bit better. Either they did not know and found it some great joke, or they knew and didn't care. Either way I felt pretty confident I wasn't about to be shunned by my new, and only, friends.

"Well, I could have tried a bit more for less insane I guess." I smiled at Dorian. He waved his hand at me, "No, no! I think you should have gone for a more romantic intro personally."

"Romantic?" I asked, now genuinely confused. Blackwall had dissolved into snickers now. "Indeed my dear! After all you were carried through half of Skyhold by that dashing brooding elf. Looked like something out of Varric's torrid romance books really."

I could feel my cheeks flaming at that one. "Oh. Well I didn't mean to collapse on him! I don't even know his name!" I protested. "Aha! What I can't understand is what got the damn elf so worked up?" Blackwall said between chuckles.

"How do you mean?" I turned to him, I really wanted to know what happened after I passed out, but I didn't know how to ask that without sounding more foolish.

"What he means is that your dashing rescuer blew the door to that room straight off its hinges with a fireball, and singed half the gardens, and that pinned the Revered Mother under said door." Dorian laughed. Blackwall lost his hard won composure again, and Solas snorted into his drink, splashing it all over that table.

I however dropped my head onto the table with a resounding thunk. "I guess I just wanted to make an entrance." My muffled, and slightly pouty, response came.

_"Well…. now you get to apologize to a Revered Mother as well, whatever that is. I am guessing like a nun, so that should be tons of fun!" _I groaned. My inner voice could be a truly wonderful motivator.

"Dorian, I think the girl has had enough teasing for one day. She may injure her head, and then I will have to spend more time healing her." Solas said. "Hmm, Perhaps you're right, seems you have had a rather big day of it." Dorian ruffled my hair, to which I batted his hands away.

I lifted my head and with as much dignity as I could muster, and a fair bit of posh dramatic flair, took a sip from my tankard. Which I then sputtered on because I was not expecting a watered down beer that tasted awful.

Blackwall patted my back, "You not used to drinks then?" He asked me, still smiling and red faced from laughing at me. I cleared my throat, "Alcohol yes, whatever this is and so early in the morning, no, not really." I eyed the liquid like it might start speaking to me or something.

"I understand your pain my dear, really we need to get some decent wine or something on order." Dorian sighed, but still he drank from his own glass. I grimaced and shrugged, at least it was something, so I tried again.

It still tasted awful, and there was a grainy consistency to it that I did not want to dwell on. But it made me kind of fuzzy, so that was a plus. We kept eating and talking for a while. Well, they talked and I listened.

I learned that there was a library where Dorian spent his days, and that there was a new Hart in the stables that had an accident on the way up the Frostbacks. I had no clue what those were but I guessed the mountains we were currently in.

Blackwall was just explaining how he had to guide the poor thing so it could walk in a straight line after losing its left antler.

I however felt my eyes drooping and my head felt heavy. Solas caught me as I was falling forward to rest my head on the table. "M' jus sleepy.." I slurred. _"Funny, I haven't had almost anything." _

"Damn! Blood loss, I completely forgot! We shouldn't have given her that mead." Dorian's voice was nice, and Solas smelled nice, and I was most definitely drunk. "_On one glass… Lovely._"

I felt Solas guide me so my back was once again connected to the chair, but I couldn't hold my head up too well. Someone moved, their chair scraping across the stone floor. I felt arms beneath my legs and against my back, and the slight vertigo of being picked up.

"I ca walk!" I tried to protest, but a fuzzy thing in my face made me snuggle up to it instead. "M' too heavy." I said I mumbled. I felt a chuckle, "Not likely my lady. Come on, let's get you back to resting."

I didn't protest. I was already half asleep. "M' Never gonna get to walk again am I?" I pouted just a bit. Blackwall chuckled. Dorians smooth voice came from beside me, "Well sweetheart, it does seem that you enjoy the strong men carrying you about. Clever girl, you!"

I giggled, way too girly and sugary for my normal tone, "You er juss jealouss." Dorian barked a laugh at that. I felt the chill as we got outside, and snuggled more into Blackwall. Dorian opened the door to my room, and Solas made his way past us.

"Lay her down on the bed, I can take it from here." Solas whispered. I was out as soon as I felt the pillow under my head.

I woke up feeling like my head was leaking out of my ears. I could feel the throbbing of my heartbeat in my temples. "Ugh….. I hate hangovers!" I mumbled into my pillow.

Girlish musical laughter filtered into my fuzzy ears. "Not here 3 days, and already getting friendly are we?" I opened one eye to glare at Morrigan, "No! I just didn't realize that losing almost all of my blood, then drinking a tankard of watered down mead, would equal me getting drunk enough to pass out." I said while I pulled back my covers and got out of bed.

Morrigan giggled again, causing my son on her lap to giggle and coo as well. "You will find the vial there has a cure for your ailment." She nodded to the stand by the bed. There was a glass of water too, for which I was very grateful.

I grabbed the vial first, knowing just by looking at it that it would probably taste awful. I opened the cork and sniffed it, then wished I hadn't.

It smelled.. mediciney. Like fishy and minty all at once. "Drink it all in one go, makes it easier." Morrigan chided me. I made a face at her, and then downed it. Yes, fish, minty, and slightly tingly. Over all, I just hoped it helped. I downed the water to wash out the taste of mead, and whatever that stuff was.

Jace started fussing in Morrigan's lap, hungry again. I reached for him, and took the bottle Morrigan had for him as well. "Morrigan? How have you managed the last couple days while I have been unconscious?" I asked her.

I was concerned since we had only brought a bit of food, some crackers and Jace's formula. I had intended to pick up more from the small market near the camp site when we had settled in to the cabin.

I had already seen Morrigan's handy work in altering my children's clothing, and she had used a bottle from the pack I had brought, but as I looked around I did not see our bags in the room.

Morrigan smiled, "I am familiar with the formula that you had, though I had not used it myself before. The rest of your things have been taken to my own rooms on the ground level" She explained.

I nodded, "Thank you. Really, I would have no idea what we would have done without your help." She waved a hand dismissively, "Nonsense! I did see the contents of what you had brought; you are quiet prepared for anything really. You even have a solar charger for you phone in your kit!"

I laughed, "Yes I suppose that is a bit over planning for a trip to the mountains. But I suppose it will come in handy now. My phone has many pictures on it." I shook my head, I really had found myself in a strange situation.

"Of course, I probably won't need it when we get back. I simply grabbed our camping kit when we left the city. I figured it couldn't hurt." Morrigan's smile dropped, and with it my stomach. "I will let you finish feeding your son. I must check on Keiran and Yume." She got up and left the room.

My mind rushed to catch up with her abrupt exit. _"What did I say?" _Perhaps she wanted to go back herself and couldn't. I occurred to me that I never did ask how she had come to be in my world before.

I felt guilty, and more than a little sad. In all the newness, I had stumbled over my words and had unconvinced many people. _"I must look like an idiot to all of them. And someone who is very self absorbed." _That was not a happy thought at all.

Jace played with my hair as he slowly fell asleep. My little precious boy was so small in my arms. I realized it more each day. I couldn't believe that it had been only almost a year since he had been a newborn. I wondered how much of this experience he would remember.

And what about Yume? How much would she remember and what would I tell her to explain it all? Someday, I might have to caution her against saying anything to the people in our modern age. This was going to get very complicated.

My mind still racing, I did not even register Morrigan coming in. She jolted me out of my thoughts with a soft hand on my shoulder. "Come," She whispered, "You may put him in my rooms for now." I nodded, and grabbed a blanket to wrap around Jace against the cold outside.

She led me down the other side of the catwalk, and down a couple flights of stairs to the garden I had seen before. It was filled with herbs and flowers, and there was a small stone gazebo in the far corner.

I could see charring along the bushes and in the grass that was in front of an open room. A deep trench dug its way in a straight line from the open doorway in the stone building. The edges of the open doorway were blacked, and a newly crafted door was leaning next to it, waiting to be hung.

I hung my head and tried not to look at anyone. "Morrigan, I am so sorry." I mumbled to her. She scoffed, "Twas not you who lost composure and blasted a door down. I am merely grateful that you lived and that the commotion brought me to you. That elf did not know how to unhook the slings that held your children."

She turned and we passed the door as we continued to a tower that opened into the garden. She opened it into a warm room with a fireplace to our right. There was a ladder that led into the upper floor. The room itself was sparse, a chest, a table and a bench, and a small chest in behind the ladder. She motioned me to follow her upstairs.

Upstairs was obviously the sleeping quarters. Bed rolls lined the floor, and a small open box filled with blankets was trucked into a corner. Our bags were there, as well as more belongings that must have been Morrigan's and Kieran's. All stacked against a larger chest, and tucked behind the landing.

It was small, but warm and I was grateful. I placed Jace carefully in the "crib" and tucked in the edges of the blankets around him. Someone, probably Morrigan, had cut a small lump of a bedroll to use as a mattress in the bottom of the crate.

Once he was safe and settled, Morrigan motioned me to follow her downstairs. She opened the door and spoke with someone outside briefly, before they ran off to do whatever she had asked. I sat down at the table, and waited for her to speak.

"I know you have been through so much today, but there is more I must tell you." She started. I could hear the hesitance in her voice, and she wrung her hands in front of her. I let her have the time to continue. "It.. It will be easier to show you." She said. I nodded, still not understanding, but I trusted her.

The door opened and Solas stepped in, "Go Morrigan, I will keep an eye on the little one while you do." He said. Gone was his smile, and his calm. He seemed so uncertain, and it shook me. "Where are we going?" I asked, somewhat proud for keeping my voice together.

"Back through the Eluvian, I will explain more there." Morrigan held out her hand for me. I looked to Solas but he would not meet my eyes. I took a breath, "I will be back for my children correct? And no more than an hour will have passed at most?" I said.

I wasn't really asking, and they both knew it. "I swear you will not be parted from them, we will not keep you for longer than an hour." Morrigan assured me. Her voice held the iron of a mother that understands my own trepidation. It spoke so much more to me than simply the words. _"She has been like me, running and hiding like me." _I realized.

I took a breath, and took her hand. "Show me what you will then."


	5. Blood Thicker than Milk

**Chapter five; Blood Thicker than Milk**

Morrigan took me back through the halls of the courtyard. It was darkening now and the windswept chill around us as we walked. It did nothing for the chill in my soul.

_What could she have to show me, what will this mean for my future, OUR future? _Nothing comforted me that this would be easy. Not with the grim look on her face.

She led me straight to the singed doorway. It still smelled of burnt wood, and the dust had not been lessened by the wind blowing through. My gaze found the blood first.

It was everywhere, a trail you could follow that splashed the edges of a huge mirror standing against the back of the room. My stomach turned. To think I had really lost that much. Morrigan glanced over her shoulder, "There will be more as we go." She told me, as if she read my thoughts.

I swallowed bile, and nodded. Whatever this was, I had to see. There wasn't a question now. Morrigan lifted her hands and I could feel the snap of power in the room. It was heavy and acidic, chocking my throat for a moment.

The mirror rippled, like I had seen before, and then shone with light. Whatever door this was, it was open. I would have given anything not to step through it. I looked behind me to the empty hallway. My babies were right there! A quick sprint and they would be in my arms again.

Morrigan placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, "We will be back, in no time for them to miss you." She promised. She took my hand in hers, and together we walked through.

She wasn't lying about the blood. It all but pooled before us still, soaking through the edges of my jeans at the hem. It must have been getting to Morrigan too. She guided me around the veritable river to where the path was clear.

I couldn't take my eyes off it though. _How am I still alive?_ I couldn't grasp it. Ever a guiding presence, she grabbed my hand and all but dragged me away. Drops of my blood still led us as we wound through the many mirrors, but it was less than the puddle we came through.

It probably wasn't long that we walked, and I did not have the strength to look around. One foot in front of the other I walked with her. She accepted it. Finally we came to a stop, and again the blood pooled her. Deeper, browned on the edges of the cobbled stones, but still there all the same.

Mixed in were glinting pieces of glass. My heart stopped. I looked up finally. A twisted frame was before me, empty of the smooth glass a mirror should hold. The whole of the frame was twisted in on itself, blood and singed metal mixed. It was like some sick piece of art.

_And that is all it will ever be again. _I knew, before she even took a breath to begin explaining I knew. There was no going back.

Somehow, all this time, I had held hope. Going back to our world, where things were comfortable, were I knew what to do, it was all I had been clinging to. It was gone now. I couldn't pretend. My knees gave out; Morrigan caught me under my shoulders.

"I am truly sorry," She said against my hair. I could feel her tears, and realized I was also crying. My family, my home, everything was never again to be reached. "When you came through, the magic used was not meant for this Eluvian. " She went on, though brokenly.

I shook my head, of course it wasn't. Nothing that cruel was supposed to exist. This world wasn't supposed to exist! I tried to calm myself, but I wasn't doing well at it.

She turned me away from the wreck that was once my way home. "Listen to me," She said, holding my shoulders and forcing me to look at her. She was crying hard, trying to keep her pretty face calm.

"This.. This was my fault. MY doing." She whispered. I blinked, she couldn't be responsible. She looked away as she continued, "I.. had to run. Many years ago. This demon, it followed me and Kieran. This Eluvian was mine, at least part of mine."

She was sobbing now; all I could do was stand there. _She is to blame? No! Not possible! She cared for my children; she took me under her wing! _

She took a shuddering breath, "I tampered with old magic I did not understand. It weakened all Eluvians, for a brief time. That demon got to your world, to you. It had to use a body and it needed blood to keep chasing me back once it realized I had fled your world."

It all made more sense, as much as it could really. Why it was chasing her, why she was running, those I would save for later. I could see on her face, she was so sad. _She loved that world too. She never wanted to hurt anyone. _It was then I realized the last thing that cemented her as a sister to me.

_She wants me to be angry with her. _I couldn't. I hugged her instead, and she stiffened. I didn't care, she and I both lost something, and we both were afraid. Whatever thing she had done, she was still paying for it. After a while, she hugged me back, and we cried together for the things we had lost.

When we had cried enough, I had made my choice. I would stay with her, and we would be alright. "You could have just asked if you wanted a sister." I laughed. She laughed too, both of us relived for the moment.

With a wave of her hand, the Eluvian crystallized in ice, and with another gesture, it shattered. Metal breaking like brittle thread. It was done, and now we could go forward. At least, we could try.

My own heart was still aching. I had almost nothing to remember my husband by and nothing at all of my sisters I had left behind. But those were bridges burnt long ago, and I had time to come to terms with this.

For now, we walked back to the Eluvian we came from, arm in arm. She closed it behind us as we stepped through. I moved in a daze back down the hall. I am sure she was following closely to make sure I was alright. We entered the tower room that would be home.

_Home, what a strange thing. _It felt heavy to say. How would Yume live here? How would I be able to raise both her and Jace well here? I knew nothing!

Yume was asleep on Solas's lap, head tucked into his chest and him reading a book in one hand. She looked fine. Warm and fed, even happy. _Perhaps, this won't be so bad. _But it was too soon for me.

Solas looked up as we came in. He smiled, a little tightly. "Ir Abelas." He whispered. I could tell what he meant by his face and tone. I nodded, and took my girl from his arms.

She didn't stir, worn out from her day. I tucked her into my hip, "Thank you Solas. Goodnight." It was all I could manage right then. I was tired, so bone weary. I used one arm to haul us up to the loft, and laid Yume down on the bedroll nearest the crate where Jace slept.

Jace looked peaceful too, oblivious of everything. I was so glad. He would probably not remember our old world as he grew. But I would, and I would miss it. The mountains I had grown up in. My first home with my husband, the one by the creek that my father had left us.

I would miss the tribe I got to spend a few years with, and the music that they sang. I would miss the way you could go into a town and see skyscrapers, then back out again to the rural areas. I would miss all the historic places in that world that I would never get to see now.

Everything hit me all at once, and I muffled my sobbing into the pillow until I fell asleep.


	6. Baby Steps

**Chapter Six; Baby Steps **

"Morrigan, where are our things?" I starting rummaging around.

"In the chest by the window. I put the things I altered on the chair back." I looked over a noticed the now piled laundry on the lone chair in the cramped room. Yume twirled around by my feet, all mismatched stockings and hair not brushed yet.

I half tripped over to the other side of the room to the chest, making a note to fold up the bed rolls. I opened it and starting looking for shoes for Yume and Keiran, who as of now was barefoot running around down stairs.

"Keiran! Where did you leave your shoes love?" I called down to him, since I could only find Yume's.

"Auntie, I don't want to wear them! They pinch." Keiran pouted.

"If that lip hangs out too much longer a bird just might decide to poop on it Keiran." I snickered. He looked at me mortified before pulling his pouty lip in, still frowning. Morrigan giggled at the exchange, Jace wrapped to her chest as she finished the breakfast porridge.

It had been a hectic couple of weeks for us. Since our family had grown, we requested larger quarters for us all. But we were told there was nothing available, and told we were lucky to have what we did.

Morrigan and I decided that we could work with what we had then. There was an entire floor above us that was in terrible disrepair. So we salvaged Timber beams from the fallen portions in the dungeon, and various pieces of stone from around the courtyard.

I was a fair hand with at least smithing nails (something that came with my love of the Renaissance Festival). Blackwall spent his afternoons teaching me more about woodworking. I had learned a bit from my husband, but it was different here without modern tools.

After a few days of my endless pestering about woodworking and making nails, Blackwall started showing up in the morning to work alongside me. So we spent the days pulling boards from wherever we could find, and hammering them together in the strangest orientations.

I believe at one point I was hanging by my knees upside down from a cross support pole, as Blackwall braced a vertical support from the floor bellow, and I was hammering the joists together at the top.

And of course, nothing builds friendship like being topless. He of course had to take his shirt off while we worked, but he nearly chocked at me in my workout top with built in sports bra. I explained this was common in my world, and that was that. Not that we didn't still get strange looks, but we just made a joke of it.

Over the span of a week, we had shored up the floor so it was safe again, and built proper stairs instead of the ladders from before. Under the stairs we used as storage space.

I used mud work to plaster the inside of the top floor to help keep in heat, and to patch the smaller cracks. Solas showed me how to smooth it over and use it like stucco.

The windows were the only thing that I could do nothing about. There simply was not any glass to spare, and I had no idea how to fix it to the stone openings. Instead I used scraps of leather to sew together battened curtains, and we used heavy nails through loops to secure then on cold days.

The last thing to change were our beds. Fortunately a visiting noble had complained of his "Dog-Lord" bed he was provided with, giving the inquisition coin to acquire a proper "Civilized" bed. Dorian charmed his way to acquire the old one, and I baked the ambassador cookies as a bribe. She of course was lovely, and so sweet to me. She all but begged me to bring all my bribes in the form of baked goods, and I heartily agreed.

Morrigan and I shared that huge Fereldan bed now, having conned my new friends to help us move it.

That in and of itself was nothing short of Hysterical. Dorian did nothing but complain about the indignity of it all. Solas ended up being more competitive than I expected him to be, trying to show up Blackwall at every chance. Blackwall swore so colorfully I could have painted the walls.

Meanwhile I was doing my own part of the lifting, and trying to get them to stop treating me like some damn princess. In the end, Blackwall conceded that I was stronger than I looked, and Dorian made me swear to never ask anything like that of him ever again.

All of course while he lay down upon the bed as we moved it up the final few steps. I smothered him with a pillow, and mussed his mustache.

Solas just looked smug, hardly having broken a sweat. To which I made him help me move the bunk beds we had scavenged, and clean them, and put them together. To my credit, I did supply wine for the endeavor.

In the end, we were both drunk trying to put the last of the damn thing together, and I was trying to explain what directions were in my world.

I told him many stories about my late husband and I, and how we had to figure out the damn things known as 'Carseats'. Of course then explaining cars. Then city layouts, then fuel forms. Eventually we ended up talking about strippers, though I have no clue how we got there.

He was practically taking notes. But we managed to build the beds, and I had made Jace's crib more secure. Morrigan came in, and shooed us outside to sober up while she put the kids to bed. So, on the battlements I found that Solas and I also shared a love of tobacco.

They don't call it that here, but it had been forever since I had a cigarette so I all but squealed when He brought out a long slender pipe and a pouch. He just chuckled at me and passed it to me so we could share.

He told me stories too, things of history and culture. I was so sharply reminded of a dear neighbor I had before. I asked endless questions, and this time we shared the blank book he had for taking notes. We feel asleep on the cold stone of the battlements. Not the best idea, but you know.

The next day I was woken by a guard literally tripping over me, and a sensation of extreme cold.

It was then that Solas showed me were the baths were.

It was seriously a couple of big stalls, one for women and one for men, made of wood. There were buckets left to warm in the sun, and really small cloths for washing with. Also tallow soap, at least I knew what that was.

I shucked off my clothing with the rest of the women there in the stalls, and we threw it up and over the stalls to hang out of the way. I cleaned quickly; the lukewarm water was warmer than my skin at the moment. I put my clothing back on, and exited the stall. Only one problem with that, I could not find my bra.

Now, in hindsight, it was peach pink and had just a bit of lace on it. It also was not a breast band, and looked like you could use it as a catapult sling. I should have hidden it, but I didn't. Now it was gone. I huffed and went back, I had work to do.

It still bothered me though, so later I sought out Dorian and asked him if he knew of who might have taken it. It was one of the last things my husband had asked me to do, "Buy something pretty for yourself." He had said. So I did, and go figure it's the only thing I had on me other than the workout top. After I explained there was a full minute of silence.

Then to my horror, he laughed. Hard. He pointed at me and doubled over, and all but lost it on the floor. That was comforting, not.

Then he told me, still wiping tears, "You are about to make a new friend my dear."

So it was I met Sera.

If I had to describe her, it would be something like that girl you know that hates you and you hate her, and you are best friends anyway? Yeah like that.

She lives in the tavern I found out. Dorian took me though a couple walkways and twists and turns, and I was again grateful for a guide. This place was huge! I wanted to keep a ball of twine with me or something just to find my way back.

The tavern itself was cleaner than I expected. The ones I had worked at in my world at the Renaissance festivals were nothing like it really. Swept floors and an open space next to a huge fireplace, and tables along the walls.

There was a group of rather rowdy people in the back, drinking already and it wasn't even noon! But then again, I might have joined them if I could. I smiled and waved as we passed and went up the stairs. I got a few wolf whistles for my trouble, which made me laugh._ Yup! Defiantly my kind of people. _

We wove past more tables and walked around the whole upper walkway to a small door tucked away in the corner. It thumped when we knocked. I knocked again and there was an answering thump.

"Um, is that Sera? We haven't met yet but I think you might have something of mine." I called. Another thump near my hand but this time with an arrow head peeking through the wood. I squeaked and jumped back. Dorrian was sniggering, and I swatted his arm.

"Sera, its Dorrian. I brought this poor lost lamb to you. I think that is what you intended." He chuckled. I heard a bolt slam, but I couldn't tell if it was opening or closing. I steeled myself, "Okay, I am coming in." I called again, and pushed on the door.

It swung open to a bow in my face. Past the bow was a girl. She was small, and raggedy, and it looked like her hair had been cut with a butter knife. She was smiling at me though, so that put me way off guard.

"Oh!" She quipped, "You're not as fat as I thought you'd be." She said, still smiling. Her room was small and filled with junk, and I would have looked around more if I hadn't been so taken aback.

"Excuse me?" I huffed. "Nah, no excuse for you." She laughed. I grit my teeth. So far, I didn't like her. I shot a look back at Dorrian, and he was turned away with his hand over his mouth hiding his sniggers.

"Look sweetie, I have no clue what I did to you. But I need my bra back." I leveled her with my best bitch face, ignoring the bow completely. She laughed again, almost creepy really the way she did it under her breath. "What and you think I'll just give it to ya?" She shook her head. I used her dropped gaze and ducked under the bow, wrenching it up and out of the way and pushed her onto the cushions of her window seat behind her.

"I think I can at least ask nicely now, don't you?" I asked sweetly. She laughed and rolled away, pulling something from her pile as she went. "Oh good, you're not completely helpless. Had to check ya know." She dangled my bra from her fingers in front of me.

"Though, you're still weird. What the hell you'd call this?" She slipped it on, trying to buckle the back. "Ugh! It's a bra! Goes on under my clothing? And I would very much like it back."

She left the straps hanging, giving up, and pranced around her little room, making lewd motions. "How about you take it?" She challenged. I reached for her, and she darted out her window to the roof.

"Sera!" I called, she just giggled. I swore and darted after her, Dorrian full out howling now. "Dorrian Pavus, I will end you!" I yelled back at him as I ran. Sera cackled ahead of me, scrambling over the edge and rolling to her feet on the ground below her.

I took a breath and did the same. Not nearly as graceful however, as I ended up on my ass. I scrambled up and ran after her. She was running around the yard in front of the tavern, striking more lewd posses in front of anyone that passed. At this rate, I was never going to catch her. But I did have pretty good aim. I grabbed a handful of mud and waited until she stopped to pose, then lobbed it at her.

It hit her in the face with her mouth wide open and her tongue out. I laughed as she shrieked at me and turned on her heel to come barreling at me. "Oh shit," Was about all I could say, and I booked it back into the tavern.

I was laughing now, and decided for some reason to taunt her just a bit. "Sorry sweetie, you'll never fill that out!" I laughed. "You bitch!" She yelled, laughing too. Inside the tavern, I dodged people. Full well knowing she was right behind me. She didn't bother dodging, just pushed past.

I jump onto the tables by the door, and started sprinting and jumping towards the back, Maybe I could hide with those people I found before. The saw me coming, and confusion turned to amusement as they caught a glimpse of Sera behind me.

Well, I could maybe use numbers. I jumped on the barrel by a very handsome man and swung my legs over his lap, almost knocking his drink out from his hand. "OH Save me sir!" I swooned, giggling the whole time. He laughed and picked up my feet handing me his tankard.

"Chargers?!" He called, "Horns up!" and quick as you please the whole group got up and moved as a unit to intercept Sera.

"No Fuckin Fair!" She yelled, and turned to run out the door. The man tackled her to the ground, followed by quite a few others that landed on top of her. "Dog pile!" I yelled, laughing and sipping on the ale. Sera's hand shot out of the tangle of limbs and rose in surrender.

"I yield! Fuckin bloody pieces of nug shite!" She shrieked, though it was muffled. I caught the man's eye, and waved my hand dismissively, preening for all I was worth on my barrel. He laughed and hauled himself up, dragging Sera with him from under the mass of people.

Dorrian was still howling upstairs, leaning against the banister trying to breathe. Sera had one shoulder slipped down, and still a face full of mud. A few more holes on her already torn tunic and she was glaring at me and smiling at the same time. "I will get you back you know." She said.

I crossed my legs and leaned back, "Bring her here please." I tried for droll and posh, and the man chuckled, "Yes mam!" He said.

He dragged her over and I got up and flounced over to Sera. I took the straps off her arm, took back my bra, and kissed her cheek, "Thanks sweetie!" I giggled at her. She laughed and pushed me away. "Thanks nothin, you bitch!" She laughed.

The man chuckled, "Hey! What about me?! I saved you!" He said. I giggled and went over and kissed his cheek too. "Yes you did! And you were very brave." I sniggered. He released Sera and grabbed me instead, "Yeah, and that's not a thank you." He smiled. Then dipped me and kissed me…. Full on the mouth.

My eyes were probably saucers at that point, and I had no clue what to do with my arms. It wasn't a heated kiss per say, just kind of strong and shocking. He righted me, and laughed all the harder at my face.

The rest of the 'Chargers' I suppose they are called, whooped and whistled. Dorrian was on the floor now, all dignity lost. Sera was punching the man in the arm and doubling over. I cleared my throat and tried to come back.

"Um… thanks then." I said, and my voice cracked, _Great! You want his name now maybe Grace? _"Uh, M..my names Grainne." I said and held out my hand.

"Krem," He said and grasped my hand. _Wait.. they do shake hands?! Ooh Blackwall's going to get it!_" Sera interrupted my thoughts, "So, you not all that bad Granny!" She laughed at me, slinging an arm over my shoulder.

"Granny?!" I squeaked at her. She just laughed harder and flitted back upstairs, handing Dorrian some coins as she passed him on the floor. _Ete too Dorrian?! _"You better buy my drinks tonight Dorrian!" I shouted at him.

"For that performance my dear, anything!" He shook his head. Krem laid a hand on my arm, "So. What is that thing?" He picked at the garment in my arms. My face went red, I could feel it. "That would be my undergarments, thank you very much." I huffed.

"Lookit you Krem! Kissed a girl and seen her undergarments all before her name! Think you broke the boss's record!" A short man said from the back, were the Chargers had reconvened. They all raised their glasses to that, and started in on some bawdy tale or another about this boss.

Dorrian collected me, and Krem made me promise to come drink with them that night. We left, and all I wanted was a nap. "Dorrian, is it always going to be this way? Meeting people I mean. Are any of you.. I don't know, normal?" I asked him.

"Sweetheart, you are in the wrong place for normal!" He sighed. I shook my head, didn't I know it!

I did go back that night after the children were in bed. I drank and listened to stories about mercenary work.

I learned that they were waiting to head out with their boss when he got back. And that the Inquisitor had been out with him, a guy named Varric, and a scary woman named Cassandra, for the past 3 weeks or so in a desert called the Hissing Wastes.

I nodded and drank; I would ask Solas more about the geography later. I left earlier than the others, Krem paid my tab for me, "I don't normally kiss a girl without buying her a drink first." To which I giggled and swatted his arm.

I did have a bit of money now. I had been taking in mending for some of the people in Skyhold, as well as working in the Kitchens for mid-day meals, and mucking stables in the afternoon. It wasn't much, but frankly it was something.

So that week past in a blur from then. Work, tend to my babies, study politics with Dorian, occasional drinks with the Chargers, and studying everything else with Solas.

Sometimes I would see Sera, or Vivian. Blackwall and I worked together more often than not in the stables. But things had settled into a routine I suppose.

But Skyhold is only so big, and sooner or later I would have to meet with those in charge to be given a proper task, as well as full permission to actually stay. As bad as it sounded, I really didn't want to leave. It had become home, and I wasn't prepared to just start out on my own in a world I knew nothing of.

We were safe here, and I had friends here. Selfish as it was, I couldn't see myself ever wanting to leave it. Jace had started to crawl more here, and Yume had favorite places to play and hide with Keiran. And Keiran called me" Auntie", and Morrigan "Sister".

So it wasn't really a surprise when we received a summons by Josephine to meet with the Inquisitor the following morning. She was to arrive tonight, and we would hold court with her in the morning. I'd be lying if I said I didn't panic.

Now, here we were. Late for court and I was desperately trying to get Yume to stop moving so I could brush her hair. We finally managed that, and I let her down so I could get myself ready.

I little to wear, but Morrigan had managed to get me a plain blue grey dress, and some leather boots. I put my hair up and used just a bit of color for my lips. The small mirror I had brought reflected my worried face, more tan now than it used to be. I frowned; it was as good as it was going to be.

I knew I was rounder than most women here. My old life didn't require the constant work that people had here. I was losing the weight, but slowly. It was a hard comparison for me, when I knew I had to present myself to the leader of this place and beg to stay.

I did still have all my teeth and hair, which some did not. Most of all, I knew that no matter what, the decision would be based on what I could do, not how I looked. Still, a girl likes to feel confident, and right now I did not.

It was stupid to think about and a waste of time. I shrugged it off, and went about collecting Jace and Yume. Dorrian met us in the garden to escort us. Though I knew where I was going now, I was grateful for him company.

Yume bounced ahead, eager to meet the "Princess" as she called her. Jace giggled and cooed at Dorian as we walked. I tried to take it all in. I didn't want to go.

We made it to the main hall in no time at all. I knew this was a court room right now. Guards flanked the sides and stood at attention down the aisle. Every person was on their feet.

Josephine stood at the bottom of the dais, with a woman with red hair pulled up into a hood. On the throne itself, was a very short woman with dark hair and face tattoos.

She leaned back on the giant throne like she owned the world. From here, I suppose she did. I swallowed, nervous beyond belief. She met my eyes from across the room, and did something I did not expect.

She jumped up and broke into a huge grin. Seeming to not notice or care about the decorum of it, she sprinted down the dais and the aisle to me. She picked up Yume, who had been a little ahead of me, and swung her around in her arms.

Gobbsmacked would be a good word for my face I think. Yume giggled and touched the Inquisitors hair, "You are pretty! I told Keiran all princess's are pretty!" Yume said, so factually that I barked a laugh. Jace giggled and cooed into my chest as I held him.

The inquisitor looked to me, and beamed, "Oh I like her! I am going to keep you little one, okay?" She asked Yume, bumping her nose with her own. Yume's eyes got big and teary, "But I want mama to keep me princess! Can you keep mama too? And my baby brother?" She asked so quietly.

The inquisitor looked like she was going to cry and laugh at the same time, "Can you even say no to such big blue eyes?!" She asked me. I shook my head and chuckled. "Not, really no."

The Inquisitor set Yume down, which wasn't too far given her height. "Listen little sweet stuff, I am going to keep all of you. For as long as I like, okay?" Yume squealed and threw her arms around the woman, up on tippy toes to do so.

Josephine was shaking her head and smiling at the antics, the other lady was smiling too, but it didn't reach her eyes quiet right. For now, I didn't care. We got to stay! I tightened my grip on Dorrian's arms, and he kissed the kid of my head. "See? Nothing to worry about." He said, but I could hear the relief in his voice as well.

"Now," The Inquisitor spoke up, all business now. "I will see you this evening in Josephine's office to discuss details of this arrangement." She addressed me, Yume still dancing around her. I nodded, and offered a bow, "Of course Inquisitor."

She nodded and pulled away from Yume, "Good. Now off with you sweet thing." She patted Yume's cheek and ascended again to the throne. I turned to leave but her voice ringing out stopped me, "One more thing for those in attendance today!"

She commanded. I turned back, confusion warring with a slight bit of fear. "Anyone lays a hand on this family, I will have you drawn and quartered. These are family of the Inquisition now, and will be treated as such. That is all." The men stiffened, as did I. As honored as I was, this change was sharp. I would ask her about it tonight, I decided.

Dorrian tugged on my arm, and I reached for Yume's hand. Together we left the imposing hall, and the imposing woman behind.

Morrigan was waiting in the garden with lunch for us. We sat and Yume talked and sang songs about the princess, and she and Keiran played around us. Jace was enjoying the sunlight, giggling every time the grass tickled his little feet as I helped him stand.

Morrigan and I chatted a bit, but not much. Simply relieved to still be able to live together. Dorrian came back with a bottle of wine, and we all shared it as conversation picked up.

"You should have seen your face my dear!" He laughed, "You looked like you expected our Inquisitor to eat your girl alive!" He chuckled. I shook my head, "Well how was I to know?!" I threw a grape at him.

Jace was on his knees, playing with a flower Yume, had brought to him. I lounged next to him and watched. She reached for me, so I grabbed his tiny hands and he pulled himself up. He lifted his foot, and Dorrian reached out to him a few feet in front.

Suddenly we were all holding our breath, waiting for Jace to make the next move. I giggled, and stretched himself away from me, pulling his hands from me to stand on his own.

One foot lift, one foot down. Now the other. My heart was in my throat, and my eyes prickled. Dorrian laughed softly, awe on his face. "Come here, little one." He whispered. Jace cooed back, then another small step, and another! He just barley made it one more before his legs gave out, and Dorrian caught him up.

We all erupted in laughter, and my heart had never felt so full.

_This! This is home! My Jace took his first steps in this world! _I could hardly breath; I was laughing a crying at the same time. Something caught Dorrians eye on the battlements above, and he waved with on hand. "Commander! Just look at this little solider!" Dorrian laughed.

The Commander clapped, "Yes I saw. Well done!" He laughed. I looked up.

My heart could have stopped. The entire world focused into one glance at that man on the battlements with the sun high above him. My mouth wouldn't work.

Yume didn't share that feeling. She screamed in glee and held out her arms, "Daddy!" She cried out.

"What?" Dorrian asked. "Oh Grace!" Morrigan gasped. My mouth finally moved, "Vic..Victor?" I whispered.


	7. When You Can't Crawl

**Chapter Seven; When You Can't Crawl**

"Daddy!" Yume shouted again, as she took off running. Her hair flying behind her as she disappeared up the stairs that would take her to the man on the battlements above.

I flew after her, my feet moving before my mind caught up. "Yume! Wait!" Morrigan shouted. Morrigan caught her up in her arms. But she couldn't catch me.

I ran, feet pounding over grass, then stone, taking steps two at a time. It was selfish to not turn around, to not grab Yume and go to him together.

_There is time. I thought, now we have time! _I thought as my feet skidded around a corner. _Almost there! God please, just give me this! _I prayer, tears already dripping down my face.

One more flight of stairs and a door, that's all it would take. I rushed up them.

Then there was a boy before me, his hat so large I almost knocked it off as I flew past. "Wait." he said as he grabbed for my arm, but I twisted past him.

_No more waiting, no! Never again. _My heart screamed at me. I didn't stop to wonder why I should. My hand grabbed the door pull and slammed it open.

There he was, shining like a knight before me. Hair just a short and gold as I remembered, everything about him so real, so there. I ran to him the few short steps to him.

He had just enough time to turn towards the sound of the slammed door, before it was me slamming into him.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on like I would drown without him. I probably would now. I pressed my face to his neck and sobbed. "Victor! Oh God I've missed you!" I repeated over and over again, hysterical now.

He stiffened. He didn't hold me back. He didn't say anything. "Love, please?!" I pleaded, head still buried in between the soft cloak fur cloak and his neck as I cried.

"Say something!" I laughed, and pulled away just a bit to look at my husbands face. The one I had missed so much, the one I thought I would never see in life again.

But it wasn't his face. This man looked down at me with confusion. His eyes were amber, not sea blue. His mouth not the same shape as I had known so well, and marked with a deep scar. Not even his face looked the same, though so heartbreakingly similar.

He was red in the face, and awkwardly pulling away. His hands came down to my waist, but not to hold me. To push me back. And I froze. My arms refused to move from there place, my feet seemed stuck to the ground under my feet.

He cleared his throat, and I waited for his voice. _It will be the same, it doesn't matter how he's changed! _I grasped so tightly at my hope.

"Uhm.. my lady.. I. I think you have me confused." He said. My heart broke in two. My hope shattered in my hands, replaced with a deep embarrassment, and a deeper pain.

His voice was not nearly so deep as my Victor. It had an odd lilt to it, and he stuttered. Nothing like my strong man.

_The man who is still gone, and was never here. _My thoughts broke the spell. I disentangled myself so quickly I almost fell. My eyes still burned, but not from joy now.

I tried to open my mouth to speak, apologize, anything. But I couldn't fill my lungs enough, I couldn't get past the lump that had settled in my throat.

A sobb wrenched out of me, and I brought my hand up quickly to cover it. I turned away, I couldn't look now, and wrapped my arm protectively around myself.

"I-I'm sorry.. yyou llooked like.." I could finish. I choked back another sob this time louder, and I knew I couldn't stay there.

"I'm sorry, Oh God!" I managed, and turned and fled away. Back down the stairs, the boy still in the corner. Back past the garden, away from my beautiful children, and my big boy that had moments again taken his first steps. It was too much right now.

Morrigan reached out to me with the arm that was not holding Yume, "Grace!" She called. I shook my head as I ran past, I couldn't, not right now. I ran away from them all.

I flung open doors as I passed, I didn't care how I looked right then. I ran through the main hall, court now adjourned and only a few at the tables.

I jumped down the front steps, and down to the first courtyard by the gates. I made it to the stables, probably looking like a banshee. Dennett was there, leaning against a stall like always.

He took one look at me, and moved to open a stall and bring out a horse. "I-I'll p-pay you b-back." I sobbed quietly. "No need girl." He said.

He let me saddle the horse myself, and I moved quickly. I didn't even lead the poor thing out of the stall before I mounted up. I kicked my heels into the mares flank, and we flew out of the stables, then out the gate.

I made it over the great stone bridge before I heard hoofbeats behind me. I didn't care to look just then though, I just wanted to get far away and fast. Just for a moment so I could let go in peace. I picked up the pace, and we flew away and up the snow covered hills.

I rode until the barren snow gave way to trees. Until my tears streamed so thick I couldn't see to guide the horse. I rode until I could find a place far enough away that no one could hear me.

Finally, I couldn't keep going, and I pulled us to a stop and all but fell to the ground.

It started as more sobbing, everything held up tight in my chest. I pictured his face, remembered my sudden hope. Remembered it dashed, and the sobbs grew to shaking breathes and a sound that came deep from my lungs.

The images wouldn't stop now, parading through my mind of my days with Victor, our love and how it bloomed. His smile his voice, his touch.

The day he left to go fight a war he should never had been in, our son so small in his arms as he kissed him goodbye. The long cold nights alone, praying for word, any word if he was safe.

The formal and cold notice that came that day. The words, no remains to recover, in sharp black typed letters on the crisp white paper.

It all came out, and I was screaming. Screaming my pain, my longing, the unfairness of it all. I screamed and cried so hard I retch a couple of times in the snow.

I had never had the time to grieve before, everything moved far to fast for me to take that time. Now…

My screams eventually subsided, my tears still streaming, and my lungs hiccuping. I was shaking so hard, and I couldn't tell if it was the cold of the snow, or just the aftermath of my release. I had a headache building behind my eyes, and my heart literally ached.

I heard the crunch of boots, and felt a heavy cloak settle over my shoulders. someone knelt down in the snow, and put a warm hand on my back. "Now, easy there my lady." Blackwalls gruff voice said quietly.

I hadn't heard him ride up, but I realized he must have seen it all. I was still crying, and I shook my head at the shame of it. "I am so sorry." I croaked. He tsked, and shuffled closer to me, wrapping big arms around my shoulders and pressing my head to his chest.

"Nothing to be sorry for. Surprised you didn't break down sooner." He gruffed. He rubbed my back and waited out the last of my tears. He was warm, and he didn't even seem to care that I was soaking through his shirt.

When I had calmed enough to stop shaking I pulled back. I still had tears, but they were silent now. I looked up at him, and tried for a smile. I know he wasn't convinced. He shook his head at me, and we both stood, him helping me up.

"Come on, we don't have to go back yet." He gestured to the horses. I nodded, too drained to do or say much else, but grateful.

He knelt in front of my stirrup and held his hands down for me to step in.

It was so ridiculous to me, him bowed all subservient like I hadn't just been screaming like some wounded animal. Like I didn't have snot pouring out my nose, or my hair as wild and tangled as it was from running and riding hard. Like my eyes were not an red as my hair now, from crying.

It startled a laugh out of me, and I cuffed him goodnaturedly on the back of the head. "I can mount myself you know." I smiled at him. He just chuckled and let me mount up. Then he mounted himself, and turned and led us both away from the clearing I had found.

I had no clue where we were going, but he seemed to. He lead us to the part of the wood got Suddenly sloped upwards. There was a deer trail, and we followed it. It snaked crosswise across the slope, climbing into the mountains that surrounded skyhold.

I could almost see it now, and we kept on. Still huge and glorious, almost more so knowing how vast the surrounding land was.

Finally we turned off the trail, near a copse of trees. Blackwall dismounted, and took down a saddle bag from the side. He patted the horse, and motioned for me to follow him. I dismounted and let my horse graze, stoking her side in apology for my poor handling of her.

We went further under the trees, and came upon a rock outcropping that looked out to so high above Skyhold it made me a tad dizzy. There were white lilies everywhere, growing in clusters under the shade of the pine trees.

We could see all of Skyhold now, the people in it nothing more than little black specks moving around the keep. I breathed deeply of the cold, thin air. _I wish Victor could see, this! You would love it darling!_

The thought brought fresh tears. Blackwall noticed, and patted my back, then guided me to sit on the rock outcropping. He sat the bag at his feet then opened it and rummaged around.

He set out a pair of sheers, some twine, and a flask. The flask however he opened and handed to me. I smiled a bit, and accepted it, putting it to my lips and taking a large sip. It burned, and it was familiar. It tasted like whiskey, and it soothed my sore throat

He chuckled, "So you can drink." He said. I laughed, "Well yes, when I have all my blood turns out I can!" He took the flask from me and took a long drink himself before handing it back. .

He turned and walked a few feet away to crouch among the lilies under a near tree. He studied each one, lightly fingering the petals before deciding, and then carefully cut the stem. I watched in silence. _I'd never figure him for a flowers kind of guy. _

After a few more carefully chosen flowers he cleared his throat. "These are for the Lady Josephine." He explained. I would be lying if I said my eyebrows didn't raise just a tad.

"I had no idea!" I told him truthfully, though I suppose I couldn't really see him placing flowers at his bedside in the stables. The image made me snort. "It's not that funny." He chuckled back at me. I waved it off, "No, not that. So how long have you two been courting then?" I asked.

"Well," He started, straightening up and moving to the next gathering of flowers, "Can't say we've been courting exactly." He studied this grouping before moving on, not finding the right one there.

"The Lady has some fancy Orlesian word for it, I guess." He said gruffly. "But I have loved her maybe from the first time I saw her." He continued softly. His smile was too tender, it hurt my newly raw heart. But I couldn't begrudge him it, I remembered what it was like to be so very in love.

I looked down at my hands, now tanned and a bit more worn from the work I had done in the past weeks. Still there was a lighter line on my finger, where my wedding band used to be. "Sometimes that is the way of it." I supplied.

He nodded and bundled up the flowers he had gathered, nine perfect lilies in all, and tied them tightly together. He came back and brought out a length of waxed paper from the bag, and wrapped that around the bouquet to protect it, then gently set it back in the bag.

He sat down next to me heavily and reached for the flask, which I gave to him. He took a sip and handed it back. "Alright, now take a few gulps, then talk to me." He gestured. I looked up at him, a bit confused by his tone. _was he annoyed with me. _

But he looked just awkward, and a bit uncomfortable, "I am not very good at this kind of thing really. I have only comforted soldiers really. But Cole, well he came and got me and told me that I would understand."

I thought for a moment, "Cole?". He shrugged, "Yeah, kid with a huge hat. Always wants to help people, in his own weird way. Told me I needed to help you."

_Oh! That boy! _I remembered him reaching for me, trying to stop me from going to Victor. _Not Victor at all. The Commander. _Tears pricked, and I took a couple swigs.

"Alright then, I suppose someone should know why I went crazy and crybaby on everyone." I took a breath. "My husband, Victor, we met as teenagers. I was working with him at the time, but I was… involved with someone else at the time."

Blackwall took a sip, and handed it back, "So engaged?" He asked. I smiled and shook my head,

"No, not even da-courting." I explained. "I was hopeless for someone else, but we were not together. Anyway," I took a sip, the burn giving way to a fuzzy feeling and my limbs relaxing just a bit more.

"My family decided to move far away, for my fathers trade. Victor and I kept sending.. letters during that time. We became really close friends. Eventually, my mother and I decided it was best if I left. We, didn't really get along well." I chuckled.

He laughed, "Bit of a spit-fire were ya?" I laughed, "Not as much as she was." Another pass of the flask, words began to flow easier.

"I moved back to live with my father, and in that time I starting courting Christophe through letters. I still kept in contact with Victor though, he was my closest friend then, and it turned out I needed him. Not long after that, Christophe committed suicide." I continued.

Blackwall placed a hand on my shoulder, "I.. I'm sorry. That must have been hard." He said, still a bit awkward and gruff. I laughed, "No it's alright. That's a hurt long since healed. It wouldn't have lasted then anyway." Another sip, now my words were slurring just a little.

"Sides! It led to Victor moving to be with me, and that's when we really fell in love!" I giggled, remembering the long summers, and the winters we spent curled up together as we were snowed in. I was blushing I knew, but it was so nice to remember.

He chuckled, "There's a smile! Maker I thought that would take longer." He laughed. I ducked my head to hide how big my smile was, "Hard not to smile when I think of that man, he could be infuriating that way. Never could stay mad at him!" I giggled.

Blackwall relaxed back on the rock, arms under his head. "So, how did he pass?" He asked softly.

I took a breath, and a really big guld of the flask, Now much lighter than when we started and handed it back. "He was soldier. Though wasn't meant to be." Blackwall grunted, "Many men aren't."

I shook my head, "No, I mean, he wasn't supposed to go in to the military because he had Asthma." Blackwall lifted his head and looked at me confused, "Ass-Wha?" I laughed, "It's what we called a breathing… sickness? He would have moments he couldn't breathe and had to take medicine for it."

I Looked up at the sky, remembering the day he was drafted. "We had a civil war, the second in our countries history. Our leaders.. they drafted all the young men they could, healthy or not. My husband, well he was just barely healthy enough I suppose."

Blackwall sat up and handed me the flask, "All yours, think you need it more than I right now." I took it gratefully, tears already falling again.

"He.. died not being able to breath dug deep in trenches I was told. They couldn't recover his body or his tags, the place was bombed later." I rushed out, not being able to keep that part in anymore.

Blackwall took in a sharp breath, and neither one of said anything for a while. He broke the silence though, "Marker, he's braver than I would have been." I glanced over at him, and he was leaning forward with his hands on his knees.

"You said he knew he had the sickness? I would have run, deserted the army if I had too." His expression was nothing short of palid. And a bit, ashamed? I wasn't sure.

But I did know he was right, "My Victor was too brave to back down from anything. Sometimes I really thought he was invincible." I shook my head, "Damn charming too, everyone he met followed him and admired him."

Another gulp, and the last I passed back to Blackwall. He took it but didn't drink. "I am told, he lead half his squad through prayers everyday, and helped save more than that in his short time." I smiled.

Blackwall chuckled, "Sounds like someone I know." I stiffened, "Yeah, think I met him." Blackwall turned sharply to me, straightening up in a hurry, "Oh Andraste's Tits! Thats what happened?!"

I nodded, still looking down at my hands. "I thought.. I had hoped. Ugh, it's stupid really." I felt ashamed. It seemed so silly now, the liquor making my mood more relaxed and the memories replayed a bit clearer.

To my surprise, he hugged me. Tight and hard, and he put his hand behind my head to hold me to his chest. "Not stupid at all. Marker have Mercy, I don't know what I would do if it was me." He rumbled.

I laughed a bit, "Probably knocked the poor man down if you had jumped on him like I did." He laughed, it started out small, but soon we were both laughing hard at the image of a poor Cullen being glomped by a teary Blackwall.

FInally he pulled back, and wiped my tears for me. He held my face and smiled, "A soldiers one wish is to be loved while he is gone, and his biggest hope is that he is remembered well." He told me firmly.

An episode from my favorite TV show flashed into my head, along with a quote that both Victor and I had loved. I took a breath in and said in my firmest voice, "When you can't run, you crawl. When you can't crawl anymore, you find someone to carry you."

And I smiled, just like the old times when Victor and I would ramble off lines and laugh ourselves silly at the impressions we did.

Blackwall thought for a moment, then smiled too, "I like that! Have to remember it."

I nodded, "Wish you could have seen the.. play. God terms are so hard!" I giggled. He shook his head. We gathered up the bag, no with flowers and an empty flask. As he was tightening the bag back to the saddle he turned to me, "So, you never got to grieve him did you."

I mounted up and answered honestly, "No. I never had time." He mounted up and starting leading us back to Skyhold.

The sun was setting now, painting the Sky in orange, pink, and purple. No hole anymore though. Solas had explained to me that the hole I saw might have been the 'Fade' clinging to me as I adjusted to the differences in this world. It would have been a memory, and not current.

It explained why Vivienne reacted as she did to me. I shook my head, so much seemed impossible here. Was it any wonder I thought even for a second that the dead may just come here? That I may find Victor again?

Blackwall cleared his throat ahead of me, "Well, maybe we should fix that." The worlds turned over in my head before I understood. I laughed, "I would like that! A wake maybe?" Blackwall nodded, and I beamed.

I was so filled with hope in that moment, to think I had found a place that welcomed me and all my eccentricities, that stood by me when I broke down. To help me bury my dead, even if we had no body to return, and to give me the time no one else had to grieve.

I had more than friends here, I had a home. In the joy of it all, my son's first steps, my new sister, the idea of a wake for my dear lover, joy came surging up in me. I laughed freely as I kicked into the mares flank and shot forward, this time running towards my new home.

"Last one there buys drink!" I shouted back. Blackwall grinned in challenge and kicked forward as well, both of us racing as fast as we could to the gates, shouting insults along the way.

I won, but I think he let me. Either way I would take the victory.

_Love? I found someone to help carry you. _With that thought I made my way to the stables, then back through Skyhold, almost skipping. I spent the rest of the night rejoicing in my children.


	8. How to Beat the System

Chapter Eight; How to Beat the System

The next morning I woke up to my trusty alarm. I blindly felt around for my phone. _I still have like 3 hours before the gate open. Jasper can wait for a bit. _

I couldn't find it though. I raised my head without opening my eyes and searched out the bedside table. Not finding it either I searched lower, trying to bring my eyes open, and failing.

Also falling as it turned out. I had reached too far and found myself rolling out of bed onto the floor with a smack. "Oof!" I let out. "Ugh, Grace turn that damn thing off! Why did you even dig it out?" Came a voice above me.

I blinked my eyes open just in time to see Morrigan roll over and reach down to tug back the blankets I had taken with me.

"Tis too early for this!" She grumbled, and rolled back over, now buried.

_Oh, right Morrigan. Not in my old world then. _I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I got up and starting looking for my phone. The chime was coming from downstairs, so I half ran, half stumbled down to the main level.

It was on the kitchen table, hooked up to the solar charger by the window. I unlocked the screen after a few tries, and silenced the stupid thing.

My head caught up with me then, "Morrigan?" I called. "If the tower is not on fire, then I do not care!" She called back. I snorted, neither of us were morning people, and thankfully the children did not get up at the crack of dawn either.

"Morrigan, why did you plug in my phone?" I asked again. I heard a thump as she too rolled reluctantly out of bed. She all but stomped down the stairs. She came over and hit me in the head with the pillow she had brought with her.

"Why in Andraste's name would I want your phone?" She grumbled, already making her way over to the fire and the kettle we had set up for morning tea. I shrugged, looking back down at it with confusion. "Maybe one of the children?" I asked.

An incredibly dignified grunt was my only response. I set the phone back down, it wasn't charged yet, and it took a good 8 hours or so to charge up in the sun. I moved the paneled mat closer to the window, and knocked off a sheet of paper in the process. Go figure, it would slide behind the table.

I cursed, and pulled the table away from the wall and reached to grab it. "What in the Void are you doing?" Morrigan hissed, still not having had her tea. And we had a strict, 'No one talk to me, touch me, or look at me, before I've had my tea.' Rule.

I strained my fingers to grab the paper, "I'm getting whatever you had on the table… I.. knocked it off."

"Grace! I didn't have anything on there you idiot!" She groused some more, turning back to the tea kettle and ignoring me. I finally managed to pinch the paper in between my fingers and pull it out, giving a little shout of triumph on the way.

I set it back, and moved the table. Flouncing over to Morrigan and sitting way too close on purpose. "Got it!" I chirped. She just glared, "You are too happy, you realize this?" I snickered, and went to find us some mugs. We were up, might as well stay that way.

Now, normally I was not even remotely inclined for that. Waking me was usually liable to get your arm torn off. But today I was going to invite guests over, and for some reason that always made me more energetic.

I brought Morrigan the cups, which she filled now that the tea was ready. I spent a few minutes enjoying it, before I got up and started cleaning. Not that the house needed it per-say, but it need it. Badly. Morrigan was almost as messy as me, and with three kids in the house it only got worse.

I got to work on the floors, gathering up clothing and toys. The clothing I would need to wash, so I set that aside in one of my bags by the door. The toys I put back in the little chest Blackwall had made for the children.

It was comical really, the few modern barbies, and the coloring books with cars and trains, mixed in with some wooden tops and leather balls and jump ropes. It was perfect really, it made me slightly jealous of my own childhood.

After gathering up those things, I set to dishes. Again, I would need to wash those, so I put them in a bucket and set them against the door with the laundry. I swept, gathering up old rushes and opening the door a crack to sweep them outside.

Upstairs I made the bed, and swept, pulling open our curtains so we had light and fresh air. I changed out of my pink plaid fleece pajama and my skimpy pink tanktop, and into my only dress, then starting making a list of the ingredients I would need.

Which brought me to the thought of paper. Normally I would jot all of my lists down so I didn't forget anything. But I didn't bring much in the way of paper with me. I had my fine stationery, another thing I had in my pack. But no notebooks or anything.

_Oh! That's what the paper was for! But… I didn't put it out, and Morrigan didn't do it.. _I shrugged, must have been Kieran or Yume. I skipped downstairs, and grabbed the paper and used a marker from the kids bin to make my list.

"Morrigan?" I called over my shoulder. "Hmm?" She said, now that she had her tea was less bear and more human. "What time does the Inquisitor take breakfast usually?" I asked.

She choked on her tea. "That is what you're doing?!" She sputtered. I giggled, "Yup! I missed my meeting yesterday and thought I would make it up to her!" I heard Morrigan sigh and get up to refill her mug.

"At least you did the cleaning." She said, "I think she normally skips breakfast. She takes midday meal however." She said.

"Perfect! I have time then!" I wrote down the rest of what I would need, and folded the note, putting it in the sack with the clothing and hoisting it over my shoulder, and the dishes on my hip. "I'll be back in a bit then, just going to take care of these." I chirped.

She smiled and shook her head at me, but waved me out the door none the less.

It was warm today, a soft breeze that was just chill enough to remind you that it was spring. As I passed the garden, I noticed that even the charred bits of grass, and the trench that had been carved into the ground had soft little tufts of green now.

Idly, I wondered when I would get to meet my elusive rescuer. Since I had been here, no one had seen him. I added it to my list of things to ask the Inquisitor.

There was a darker skinned woman in white robes walking around the garden today, praying for the people that passed her. I took a deep breath, _No time like the present Gracie, since we are thinking about it. _

I walked over to her, arms still full of laundry and dishes. "Um.. excuse me. Are you the Revered Mother?" I asked politely. She turned and surveyed me for a moment, then smiled warmly.

"I am child, how can I help you?" Her voice was very soft, and rolled around in a very french way. Or I suppose the term was Orlesian here. I ducked my head down in as much of a bow as I could manage.

"I owe you an apology it seems. My name is Grainne. I heard you had were caught in the tail end of my arrival here." I tried not to rush my words out, really I did. I can't say I ever had a run in with a nun that went well for me though.

She chuckled, "Child, why would you need to apologize?" She said kindly. "You were not at fault, and I was not so gravely injured. All is well." I lifted my head again, and she met my eyes and seemed merely amused.

"It will not be hard to remember you however, of that we may both be assured." She smiled. I snorted at that. It was certainly true.

She gestured to my load, "Are you off to the well then?" I nodded, "Yes, I need to clean up a bit. Can't very well ask the Inquisitor to eat with me in a messy home." I joked, well half joked really.

The Revered Mother nodded her understanding. "Come then, let us get better acquainted." She plucked the bucket of dishes out of my arms, and started ahead of me to the main hall. I think I blinked for a moment, mouth a bit agape. Then rushed to catch up with her.

"You don't have to." I tried to protest. It was exceedingly hard for me to picture a nun doing dishes with me. "Non I do not, but I would like to know you better. The Maker has put us in each others paths." She said.

_Oh! You're going to get the convert thee dirty heathen talk! Well, that makes this less awkward then. _I sighed under my breath. "As you say." I supplied. She looked over at me as we made our way past the dimly lit hall.

"I will not preach overly much, I promise." She said, and I could have sworn her lips quirked into a smile. "I.. believe you." I said. This was a very strange nun.

We passed a few more people on our way to the well. It was located at the other end of Skyhold, in between the stables and the kitchens. They all bowed as she past, a whispered "Mother" or "Your Grace" by everyone.

It felt very strange walking with someone that was getting bowed to. I fought the urge to fall back behind her and look at the ground. Or walk in front swinging my laundry bag like incense. I snorted a laugh at the image. She glanced over, raising an eyebrow and smiling.

"Um.." I stammered, "So, I laugh at the worse times. That count as getting to know me." She just smiled bigger, "The Maker wants His children to find joy in the world. It is fitting that His children laugh to remind us of this." She supplied.

"Right, well good then! I think." I shrugged. We had made it to the well, and I set down my load next to the small line hung up behind the last stall in the stable. "So, um. You can set those by the well, and I will do them." I tried for casual, it came out nervous. She just nodded and went to the bench I had directed her to.

I went to the stables though, and was about ready to climb into the loft when I thought better of it. I might have offered to help do Blackwall's washing when I did mine, but that didn't mean I actually went out of my way to see his underclothes.

Instead I yelled up, "Blackwall! Through down your pants for me!" Then sniggered like a child. I had moments of maturity! Just almost never where Blackwall was. For whatever reason he brought out the worst trouble maker in me.

I heard a thump as he hit the floor. _Whoa! Getting good at that Grace. You should make it a sport. _Ugh… Grace, Maker's hairy nutsack, do you have to be so bloody loud so bloody early?" He yelled back. Loud enough to be heard on that lovely bench too.

I knew it was evil, but I couldn't resist then. "Fine, bring it to me then!" I called, and left to walk towards the Mother, now sitting demurely on the bench with a small smile. She shook her head at me, already seeing what I was doing. I just grinned. "Regret asking to know me yet?" I giggled. She just shook her head again and smiled.

I heard, more than I saw, Blackwall stumbling down the from the loft. Swearing all the way. He appeared blinking into the daylight, shirt off, tying up his trousers as he went.

"Andraste's great tits, Grace! Making man stum….." He trailed off as he caught sight of the Esteemed Revered Mother, sitting pretty next to my dishes and laundry not more than 6 feet in front of him. He turned pale, then red, then the most interesting shade of purple as he stuttered and stammer out an apology.

I laughed, so hard and loud I had to hold my sides. Blackwall just glared, and the Revered Mother just smiled at me, shaking her head the whole. time.

"I do believe child, you have been played into your current state. I have been by the bedside of grown men during injury. I am no stranger to crass language." She turned to Blackwall and said indulgently. He stiffened, and grunted something that might have been one last , "Sorry."

I wouldn't know however, I was still laughing. Blackwall smirked at me, right before throwing his whole load of laundry on my bent head. This of course including his rather heavy quilted tunic that went under his plate.

"Oof!" and I was down in the dirt, smothered by some very smelly man clothes. I dug my way out and grinned up at him. "Morning!" I chirped. He chuckled and bowed to the Mother, going back inside to get his own tea for the day.

"You make good friends easily, my child." The mother commented, as I got up completely and began unpacking my bag. I set the paper list on the bench next to her, with a stone on it to keep it from flying away.

"I am grateful to have friends at all." I told her, separating out the small items from the larger so they would dry evenly when I hung them. I went to the well, and drew up a bucket, then went behind the stable to drag out the wash basin we had placed there.

It was really just half of a whiskey barrel, with a couple of stones in the bottom, and a slatted board for scrubbing against. The was Lye soap shavings in a cloth bag hanging off the side.

I had commissioned this, I suppose, after finding that not everyone had the facilities to wash their own clothing, or the time. Blackwall had helped me gather it all, though Dorian had scoffed at the apparent barbarism. That was until I offered to launder his clothing as well, and told him he could mix the lye shavings with herbs and flowers to make it smell sweet.

The next day he had brought me the stones, each one engraved with a rune on it. He showed me how they would react to water, heating the whole tub up in almost no time. I was nothing short of amazed, and grilled him endlessly about the mechanics of such a thing.

He laughed at my curiosity. "Really Grace, how do you except I bathe? In cold water?" He snarked. I snarked right back, "Oh! Well you bathing was never something I wanted to think about." That in turn lead to a the battle of the great white snark.

_I suppose I do make good friends easily. _I filled the tub with the water, and drew some more, pondering that thought. It wasn't like I went out of my way.

But then again, I did have somewhat of a system now that I thought about it. I knew enough to introduce myself well, and find some common ground on which to have rappor.

I winced, realizing I had not extended the same kindness to the Revered Mother at all. I turned to her, "I am sorry, I never did get your name? Or would you prefer I call you 'Your Grace.'?" She chuckled, "I think you wear the name Grace better than I. I am Mother Giselle."

I smiled, she really was sweet. I felt ashamed that I had been so quick to expect the worse.

After that, the washing went pretty quickly. At one point mother Giselle had rucked up her sleeves and helped me. All the while we talked. Just small talk about how she helped the Inquisition, and how the people here were doing.

She gave me some new thoughts for how I could pitch in. There were a few people that needed repairs done to theirs own shelters, and more that could be taught to wash and sew. Before I knew it, the Laundry was hung to dry, and the bucket had all clean dishes stacked neatly.

I waved goodbye to Mother Giselle, and went to check my list for the things I would pick up from the kitchen. Only it wasn't where I left it. I sighed, it must have been knocked off and blown away in the work.

Lugging my bucket of dishes on my hip, I went to the kitchens anyway. It would be time for midday meal soon, and I did not have time no to search for it.

The kitchen were abuzz with people now. The cook was swearing over a stove, and the hands were doing their best to appease her.

"Blast and damnation! Where are those bloody eggs? Which one of you louts dropped them eh?" She snapped at the staff. Everyone shook their head and looked downcast.

"What did you need eggs for?" I asked gently. I was going to grab some myself, but I would have to change my plans. Right now, however, the needs of the people in Skyhold came first.

"Not that it's any of your business, but I am making bread. Can't do that without eggs!" She huffed. I nodded, and came over to where she had the dough ready to mix. Flour, and salt, was on the counter, as well as a bowl of milk, and a crock of lard. I gently put a hand on the flustered cooks shoulder.

"My mother made flat bread when we ran out of eggs often. I could show you if you'd like. Would that help for now?" I asked. She huffed a bit, but waved her hand dismissively at me. "Just don't mess anything up! We can't afford to waste what little we have." She scoffed. I nodded my acknowledgement, and set my bucket down on the floor.

I started with shifting the flour, and pulling out the chaff berries that we not quite ground. I added in a handful of salt and mixed that as well. The cook was watching me carefully as I worked. I moved the lard closer to the heat of the oven to let it melt, and when it had I added it as well to the mixture. I then added in just a splash of milk, estimating a cup in my head as I went, and mixed the dough until it was combined, then repeated the process until it was a sticky ball.

I sprinkled more flour onto the counter, and dumped out the contents. "That won't hold once it bakes." The cook told me shortly. I shrugged, "It's supposed to be flat so you can wrap things up in it. Makes it easier to eat and to carry." She tsked, but let me continue.

I kneaded the dough, spreading more flour as I went so as to keep it from sticking to the wood countertop When I was done, I rolled it into shape again and put it back in the bowl with a wet cloth to cover it.

I then moved to the oven they had built into the outside wall. I banked the fires a bit, knowing the flat bread cooks quickly and too much heat can cause it to burn on the edges, but be soft on the inside.

I explained this as I did so, and the cook nodded. She was still frowning at me, but she waved a few more staff to come over as I worked. I tested the heat with my hand and a few drops of water on the stone, showing how it should feel pleasant, but not too hot, and that the water should not sizzle on contact, but take a little bit to evaporate.

In all, it took about 20 minutes I would guess for the oven to be at the right temperature. I showed the gathered staff that when you lifted the cloth off, it should not truly stick, but still look shiny. I showed them how it should be more elastic, and explained that was the reason to let the dough set, for the flour to start breaking down just enough.

From there I explained that it was similar to rolling a pie crust, only thicker. The staff portioned out the dough into balls, and set to work.

There were five of us in the kitchen now. The cook and myself had stepped back to clean up the space I had used, and two of the kitchen staff had started rolling out the dough into rounds, about plate sized. The remaining staff member finished up the prep for the rest of the meal to be served.

Once they had finished, I showed them where to place the now flat bread rounds, and how to use lard and cornmeal to coat the bottom so it would not stick or burn. The cook took notes.

Finally we had them placed, and I explained how we would need to keep them in quick rotation so as to use up all the dough before it got too dry, and to feed an army quickly. After about 10 minutes, I had them pull out the now cooked tortillas.

Of course, they were more like pita, but none of the people here would call it either of those things. Flat bread was easiest, and the cook was very pleased to see how quickly it all came together.

I was glad to help, but I had spent a great deal of time now, and I would have missed the chance to catch the Inquisitor. I smiled at the cooks request to come back and do more than wash dishes in the kitchen. I promised I would help when she needed, and made my escape.

Not before picking up some apples and sweet rolls for Yume' and Keiran however. I did promise them a treat this morning. I checked the laundry, no in no hurry, and took down the clothing that was dry enough. Blackwall always brought the rest later in the day, after he had taken his things.

I walked leisurely now, thinking over the best way to catch the Inquisitor, and of course second guessing myself as to whether I was being presumptuous. She was very important, and she merely wanted to meet with me to assign me my tasks in the grand scheme of things.

_Maybe it's for the best Grace, with your luck you would have poisoned her or something. _I sighed, I was kind of looking forward to company. Maybe I could cook for Solas sometime instead.

"You wouldn't have poisoned her." A voice said next to my ear. I jumped, almost dropping everything in my arms in the process. A boy stood far too close to me, and his hat was far to big.

"Goodness! You startled me!" I breathed. The boy just looked past me. "You wanted to help, to be a friend, to make a friend too. You did that, but it was the wrong friend. Hurts to say your name." He rambled.

I started, everything hitting too close to home. Unsettling would be the least of my feelings right then. I shrugged it off, perhaps the boy was just guessing. "You're Cole right? Blackwall told me your name too." I took a step backward, trying to put us both at easy. Possibly only me though, Cole seemed unfazed.

The boy tilted his head, the hat making the movement much more obvious. "You don't like forgetting." He half asked. Having no answer to that, I went with my system instead.

"My names Grainne. Or some people call me Grace now." I smiled. He shook his head and looked away, "It is your name isn't it?" He said.

_Kid's a regular puzzle box isn't he. Wonder if he is mentally ill, maybe just a bit slow. _I plunged on, ignoring anything that could be a question. "Blackwall said you like to help people." I said softly. He turned so swiftly I thought his neck would crack. "Yes! But people tell me not to." His shoulders relaxed a bit, and this time he looked me in the eye, "You're not like people though."

I chuckled, "I imagine not. Say Cole, care to help me carry these?" I asked, gesturing to the bucket of dishes. He shook his head sadly, "I'll drop them." and I could have sworn that was a pout.

I giggled, "Want to take the laundry instead? You don't have to, but if you want to help me.." He stepped forward, and took the bag from my shoulder before I finished. "Yes! Thank you!" He smiled, and said with a little laugh.

I think my heart melted, he was like a puppy really. I smiled, and led the way back to the rooms I called home.


	9. Picturesque

**Chapter Nine; Picturesque**

I opened the door to the tower with my hip, and almost smacked into a crawling Jace on the other side. I giggled at my big boy, and scooped him up. I could hear Morrigan upstairs, trying to coax the older children into making their beds.

I shook my head, "Morri, I am back!" I called. "Oh thank the Maker! Grace maybe you can get them to do this!" She called back. I chuckled, "First one to finish making their bed and gets down here doesn't have to wear shoes today!" I shouted.

Yume squealed and Kieran whooped, and then there was the pounding of two little feet running around the room, racing each other.

Morrigan appeared at the top of the stairs, "Grace! You're going to spoil them that way!" She scolded. I shrugged and laughed at her, "You really want to be picky?" I asked, she shook her head at me, and disappeared muttering something about getting herself dressed.

Cole was peering out from over my shoulder, once again way too close for comfort. His too big hat almost clocked me in the head as he looked around. "It looks different in the light." He said.

I shot a look at him, "You've been here before?" I asked carefully. I hadn't seem him or heard Morrigan mention him ever. A bit of mama bear rose up in me, and I fought it down.

He looked to the table, with my phone still charging. "I tried to help." He said quietly. I felt my shoulders stiffen, _How did he know about my phone? When had he gotten it? Who is this boy? _

All the questions came at once, but I clamped my lips together, and moved to put away the dishes. I took the bag from him once I was done. Jace squirmed on my hip to pull at the big hat Cole wore.

Cole smiled at him, and reached to touch him. I had to work hard at not slapping his hand away. Something about what he had said so far had me shaken. He wasn't slow, I could tell that much. He knew way too much, and didn't reveal anything of himself though he talked a fair bit.

Jace cooed and giggled as Cole touched his face gently. Jace grabbed his finger and giggled some more, like it was the game Cole was playing the whole time. I let it all happen, using the sounds and the sight to calm my heart.

"You don't like me now. You're worried I will hurt them." He said, he looked up at me holding my eyes, "I won't I promise. I just want to help." And he meant it, whatever else he was, he was trying to be gentle with my son. He was scared too, I could see it in his eyes.

What was it he said?_ He wants to help, but people won't let him. _I remembered. I looked at him again, Jace was practically jumping out of my arms to Cole. I smiled, my boy always was a good judge of character. "Would you like to hold him?" I asked Cole.

Cole smiled, then looked sad, "I'll drop him. I dropped the eggs." He whispered. I moved over the chairs by the fireplace, and sat Jace on my knee, dropping the bag to the side. "Were you trying to help me then too Cole? Did you find my list?" I asked. He didn't answer me at all, just stared at Jace in what I could only describe as wonder.

He still didn't make sense, but it didn't matter so much right now. I would ask Blackwall about Cole more later, or maybe Solas or Dorian knew him.

Yume's stomping and giggling came down the stairs as she ran to me. "Mama! I finished first!" She said, her little arms reaching up to me for me to hold her too.

I scooped her up, settling her on the other knee, which was significantly harder now that she was so much bigger. At four years old she was rather tall, taking after her daddy in so many ways really. It made me smile as she leaned over and kissed Jace.

Kieran came down the stairs next, walking as dignified as his mother, and already wearing his shoes. He was smiling at Yume, and I could tell he let her win. He adored her really, it was so cute to watch him treat kindly.

He often snuck her sweets, or extra of her favorite foods at meal time. He found ribbons for her once, saying her hair got in the way when they played tag.

Morrigan had once told me that he used to be such a lonely child.

"He knows he is different than other children, and he doesn't know how to find someone that would be different, like him." She had told me the week after we had been living all together. The children were sleeping tangled up in blankets and with books scattered all around. They had played until their eyes could just not stay open.

"I think this is what he always needed." Morrigan smiled, brushing his hair out of his face as we both gathered the our tucker out charges up and carried them to their beds.

Even older than Yume as he was, he still found every opportunity to play with her. And he had even held Jace a time or two, though as most young boys do, he got bored with it rather quickly.

Yume squirmed out of my lap, to dance around Kieran, making up a song as she went about being barefoot, and not needed pinchy shoes. Kieran stuck his tongue out at her, but laughed none the less.

Morrigan came down stairs then fixing her long hair up as she went. She started gathering up books and other items she would need for her tasks today.

She was to return to her job as Arcane Advisor in earnest today. The inquisitor had brought back several books from a temple in the Hissing Wastes, and they needed to be unlocked from some sort of Stasis spell. I didn't understand it, but then again I'm new here in every sense of the word.

She grabbed her staff by the door, kissed Kieran, and rushed out. I chuckled, remembering all too well the rush to get to work. _Something's transcend space and time._

Jace wriggled, fussy and hungry now. I went to ask Cole if he would hold him for me. But he was gone. I couldn't remember when he had left.

"He had to help someone." Kieran said, still playing with Yume. I got up, the laundry would have to wait. "Do you know him Kieran?" I asked, moving to the cupboard under the stairs to get the cloth I used to tie Jace to me.

Kieran nodded, but otherwise ignored me. a far away look in his eyes as he went to the washbasin and washed his hands for breakfast. Yume followed, giggling and humming to herself. I wrapped the cloth around me so that it formed a sling, and placed Jace inside. He was less than thrilled, getting impatient for his breakfast.

I grabbed out the ground oats we had, some dried berries, and some honey. I made breakfast in the pot by the fireplace, the water still warm from the tea this morning.

"Yume, wash your face too please." I asked, not having to look to know she had already tried to inche to the table instead. She huffed but went to do as I asked, and of course spilled water all over the floor in doing so. I laughed and shook my head. _Well I needed to mop. _

I served up two bowls, placing them on the table along with the apples and sweet rolls I had taken from the kitchen. While Yume and Kerian ate, I cleaned up the water, using the extra to wipe down the counters as well.

I place the kettle outside the door, knowing that few of the cats that roamed Skyhold would enjoy the treat. Also knowing if I left it on the floor Jace would get into it when I put him down.

It was an adjustment to be sure. I hadn't been alone for so very long before we came to Thedas in the first place. Victor had been gone only 8 months or so, first to the army. I was never very good at the adjustment of doing everything alone to begin with.

I was so used to another pair of hands, simply holding or getting something. Even though he was still gone during the day, at least I knew he would be home at night and look forward to doing things I couldn't during the day.

Add to that the loss of many of my modern things, like High Chairs and Play Yards I could set Jace down in safely. To say that it would have even been possible to baby proof any room here in Thedas would have been laughable at least.

Floors here were one of three materials for the most part. Wood, Stone, or Dirt. Any of the aforementioned types tending to cause little ones to stumble, get dirty quickly, or scrape up little hands and feet. Not to mention the panic attacks that came with catching a little one before they hit their head on the stone floors, which was probably the worst.

Fireplaces needed to be open, as iron still got hot, so fashioning a grate would not help. You also needed to be able to clean the things; since they were on the ground not raised as I was used to in the old world. They were bigger, and many did not have a pit to catch ash, so that had to be swept almost hourly with the amount of use we put it through.

Upstairs in the children's bedroom there wasn't much a young one could get into really, but there was the open stairs. I had started drafting a blueprint for a Dutch door that I could have Blackwall help me with, but I hadn't had the time to be at the Smithy, and Blackwall had been busy in the stables.

Other than that there were still open gaping "Windows" Which gave me constant nightmares of a child falling out of. I was thankful that Jace could not climb yet, but he would soon. I was loath to put bars on them, but I might not have a choice.

Jace wriggled in the sling, almost falling out, and reminding me sharply of the problems with literally juggling the children. He never did take to wraps, backpacks, or slings well. I suppose if he had been a less mobile baby I would have been able to wear him around like many other mothers I knew. But he had not, so I had taken to putting him on the carpeted floor, or in a Jumperoo to keep him happy. None of those things were available here.

For the same reason I could not breastfeed him for long. My children grew fast, and did not like to lay or sit still long enough to take milk from me. After only 4 months, I had dried up and had to use formula. I took it for granted how easily that option was available. Here they didn't have premade powdered formula you merely had to add hot water too from your tap in you house.

Or dish washers, or laundry machines. Or disposable diapers. Oh yes, here we used cloth wraps with a leather over diaper for little ones. And it tied, no velcro. So yes, I had gotten more than my fair share of being wet on, or worse.

I had asked Morrigan once how she managed. She chuckled and shook her head. "In truth? I stayed in your world until Kieran was about Yume's age. Twas much easier to do many things there, though my lack of magic was hard to adjust to for me."

I giggled at that, Morrigan used magic for almost everything. From heating water and drying her hair, to holding items in stasis and using ice to clean a floor.

"In truth," She had given me a big hug, "I am glad you are here."

That made me feel so much better then. Of course now I was frazzled already. Keiran and Yume had finished, leaving a mess of Oatmeal and honey all over themselves and the table. I bit still left in Yume's bowl, but I would use that to feed Jace.

The where up and skipping about, too much energy in the small space of the living room. After knocking over the laundry bag and almost spilling it into the fireplace, I opened the door and told them to go play in the garden before studies. They whooped and ran out the door, knocking over the pot outside. I sighed, Jace was screaming now, I could almost hear his tiny voice calling out, "Servant you are too slow!" And i had to laugh.

"Yes, Stormy, right away!" I giggled at him, and sat him down one knee, feeding him from Yume's bowl. Of course, my squirmy man managed to get most of it on himself, and in my hair as he went. But finally he was fed and sleepy. I used the cloth from earlier to wipe most of the mixture off his face and hands and well, everywhere. I would worry about me in a bit, I still had cleaning to do anyway. I hoisted him up on my shoulder, and grabbed a bottle from the cupboard.

The "Formula" I had made was egg yolk and Goats milk, with a bit of sugar and molasses. It didn't keep for long, so I had taken to making small batches in the evening and mixing it with a bit of water to make it last all day. Now however, I had no water to use. I had forgotten to draw and extra bucket from the well.

I added it to my list of things to do and poured what I had into his bottle. "Look Jace, a treat bottle." I cooed at him as we went upstairs. I changed him on my bed, wiping him down with a dry cloth from the scrap bin we kept, and tied his leather straps in place.

I was lucky that he could hold the bottle himself, having done so all his little life, so I put him in his crib and propped the bottle for him so that it wouldn't fall onto his face when he dropped off to sleep.

Finally with arms free, I set about cleaning up from breakfast. I cleaned the table first, as the older children would need it for studies. I swept up the floor, sweeping everything outside, and emptied the wash basin over the sticky mess outside the door.

That done, I grabbed a handful of the dried fruit for myself, shoving it into my mouth as I put away laundry, and gathered up the dishes in the wash basin and set it too outside. I would have to do them later.

I took stock of our pantry, wishing again for paper to write it all down. I would have to ask for some eventually. Instead I used a marker from the toy bin and my arms.

I gathered Keirans books from all over the house, he seemed to have a fondness for stashing them. Most were on magic and in languages I had never seen. But Morrigan said he could read them all, and I was amazed. Yume's books were basic letters, and colors. Small coloring books I had bought for her to start her school work. She was outgrowing them though, and soon I would have to find more for her.

Another thing on my list. Maybe I could ask Solas for copies of the books her had been teaching me with. I was under no illusion that they were meant for children, but they covered geography, history, mathematics, all things Yume would need as well.

The thought of her all grown in this world did make me smile now. Maybe she would have her own little cottage, with little ones of her own underfoot. I sincerely hoped so.

But I shook myself from the daydream, knowing there was still more to do.

I went out to the Garden to call them inside. But as I looked around I did not see them. "Yume! Keiran! It's time for school!" I called from the door. nothing. Not even mischievous giggling of children hiding from the boring school work. I sighed, I couldn't go search for them, and I just knew they would be somewhere in the keep bugging another person who was hard at work.

I did see Mother Gisele however, and sprinted over to her. She took a look at my appearance and chuckled softly. "Lose something my dear?" She asked knowingly. I looked down at myself, food all over my dress, writing on my arms, I could smell the oatmeal in my hair, and felt for it. Yup! Crusted.

I shrugged, it's what being a mom looked like. "Yes I did, two little angels that did not stay put for me. Is there anyone you could send to find them?" I asked, a tad breathless from running around all day.

She looked around, but shook her head. "I am afraid not. I am sure they are in good hands however. The Inquisitor was quite clear they be kept safe." She reminded me.

I cringed, _There ya go Gracie! What could go wrong? They could only accidentally lock themselves in the dungeon and some poor guard would be pulled apart by horses! Nothing to fear!_

I sighed, "It's alright, I will get them. Thank you for checking." I bowed to her and went back in the house. Jace would not be happy at being woken up so quickly, but I couldn't leave him alone. I debated whether or not I could leave him while I ran to find them, and decided against it.

There weren't baby monitors here, and although we had found a crate large enough for him to stand in, and softened the wood inside with wax to keep it from splintering, it wasn't so heavy that he couldn't tip it over if he tried.

With those images in my head, and the ones of Yume and Keiran getting into all possible mischief, I steeled myself for the grumpy baby, and tied up the cloth again. I got Jace up, who looked at me like I was the worst mother in the world, and tried to settle him so he could sleep again.

I grabbed a rattle, and his unfinished bottle, tucking both into the sling with him, and flew out the door to find my wayward charges.

I search the garden once more, but as I thought they were not there. I made my way up to the battlements, and called for them, but no answer. I swore, Skyhold was huge, and I was about to get more of a workout than I had planned. I jogged back to the courtyard out front, and called again, of course nothing. Next I checked the main hall, with a slight panic the dungeons, the kitchen, the downstairs servants hall. Nothing.

I was on my way to check the stables next when I heard the giggling. Huffing a breath I looked up for the sound. It was coming through and open door on the battlement above me. Turning around, I sprinted up the steps and back to the main hall, bouncing Jace a bit, to which he giggled.

"At least you're having fun." I said under my breath. _Morrigan is going to kill me! _Pushed past a few people to open the first door that led to Solaces rotunda. I was following the giggling, and only prayed that it didn't mean they had messed up the murals.

I opened the door, almost slamming it, which I muttered sorry to no one in particular. I could see Keiran, sitting quiet reading from a book on Solas's couch. Yume was nowhere to be seen, but I hear her giggling from above me. Followed by Solas deeper voice, "Now Dal'len hold still." "But it tickles!" Yume said. I looked up, and saw them sitting on the scaffolding.

"Yume Mai Barde! Where have you been?"


	10. Flaws in Repose

Chapter Ten; Flaws in Repose

"Yume Mai Barde! Where have you been?"

I asked up to her. Probably too sharply, but I had been worried sick! Solas looked up, brow furrowed. Yume shrank back against the wall, "Mama, I wanted to see Mister Solas. "

I huffed, "I asked you and Kieran to stay in the garden. You could have gotten hurt wandering around on your own!" I said. I was frustrated, but not entirely for the reason I was saying. _You could have run into the commander. _My heart screamed.

Solas looked down at Yume, "Is that true Dal'len, did you disobey your mother to come see me?" He asked softly. Yume nodded, but was close to tears. I sighed, it wasn't her fault, I didn't want her to be sad. "Baby girl, come here. I'm not angry with you." I held out my arms for her.

Solas placed a hand on her back, and nudged her to the ladder, she went, sniffling the whole way. I knelt on the ground in front of her once her feet hit the floor and pulled her into a hug, trying not to squish Jace in the process. "Mama is sorry sweetie, I didn't mean to shout." I said into her hair. She sniffled and hugged me. "I forgive you mommy." I pulled her back and moved a blond curl behind her ear.

"You still should not wander off Dal'len." Solas said from above us, "Even to come see me." He smiled. I felt my face get red, I had really biffed it and lost my temper that time. It wasn't the mother I wanted to be in private, much less in front of others. I felt myself become even more ashamed, my image to others should not even matter. _Vain as always Gracie._

"Kieran said we would be right back!" Yume huffed. I turned to look at him, and he buried his nose more into his book. "Kieran?" I asked, mother voice in full tilt. He looked up, "Auntie, mother always let me roam around." He said frowning at me.

"Even when you've been asked to stay close? Even when you have studies to do?" I arched an eyebrow at him. His frown dropped, and his looked away, still angry with me but more embarrassed now. "No Auntie." He mumbled.

I stood my, taking Yume's hand and holding out the other for Kieran, "Kieran, I trust you to watch out for Yume. But next time ask me first?" Kieran mumbled sometime about "Not a baby.", but nodded and grabbed my hand.

I turned to Solas, "I'm sorry Solas, I know they were not in danger around you. I just.." He shook his head, "I understand, no need to apologize." He slid down the ladder. "If you don't mind, I think I will join you. I am curious as to your teaching skills."

I flushed. _Great, no pressure Grace! _But nodded anyway. we made our way back to the garden, where keiran pulled his hand out of mine and stomped into the house. I winced, I really would need to make it up to him. I had never spoken so sharply to either child since we had been here.

I knew my mind was still a wreck. I hadn't given myself anytime to dwell on what happen yesterday. I grieved for my husband like it was fresh. And I was intensely embarrassed at how I had thrown myself at the commander. I don't deal well with embarrassment. I looked down at Yume.

She was sulking, her normal humming and singing all dried up now. Wasn't this exactly what I was trying to keep her from, feeling sad? Kieran too, it's why he let her go barefoot today, instead of winning the race.

It made my heart hurt. I had made it worse. I noticed her feet then, peeking out from her dress. She had bright green wraps on her feet, going up her legs to her knee. Like Solas. I looked over at him, and he smiled knowingly. He picked her up and held her high in the air. "Dal'len, you haven't shown your mother what you learned today." He chuckled. Her eyes lit up and she squirmed to be set down.

"Mama! Lookie!, Aren't they pretty?" She lifted up her dress slightly to show off her new 'Shoes' and danced around on one leg. I giggled, "They are! Did Solas show you how to do that?"

She nodded, "Yeah! He said that if I was going to run like a El vee han, that I should be careful of my feet like one." She beamed at him. He chuckled, "Elvhen, Dal'len, the word is Elvhen." She cocked her head, "I said that." She said.

I smiled. Though my heart hurt more. She had been learning, enjoying her time with Solas. And I had to go and ruin it. "You will have to teach me baby girl, so I can do it for you from now on." I told her, smoothing her hair. "Yay!" She giggled, and ran ahead to tell Kieran.

I adjusted the sling, Jace having settled asleep again and was now heavy in a way only a sleeping child could be. I took a breath, "Solas, I am sorry. I haven't been myself today." I didn't look at him while I apologized, worried he would have a disappointed look on his face.

_Or worse, ask why._ I felt his hand on my arm, "Lethallan, I understand. We all have flawed moments." He said softly. I looked at him then, he looked so composed. I couldn't ever see him losing his temper, or even being embarrassed.

"Solas, the day I see you have flaws, I will do a song and dance in the tavern on a table!" I laughed. He chuckled, "Well maybe I will have to stumble on purpose then." He smiled at me. It was charming, almost a smirk. I blushed.

No that would have been kind. This wasn't the type of "I'm embarrassed and my face is a little red." flushing. This was full tilt, "Oh God! He's hot." Kind of flushing that made me want to smile and giggle and possibly drool. Check, yup! Mouth wide open.

I snapped it shut, and tried not to giggle. Not that it worked, but I did manage to move my feet and get myself to not stare. I could have sworn I heard him chuckle too!

_Grace! Get ahold of yourself! He's teasing, just teasing! It hasn't been that long, just…. whoa, okay maybe a bit long. _I was doing math in my head and didn't notice I had stopped. Solas chuckled, "Two more steps lethallan." He teased. He put his hand on the small of my back and nudged me through the door.

_Hello! Okay that was unexpected. Not unwelcome, but… No! Grace! Stop! Good God girl! _I shrugged off the feeling and took Jace upstairs to but in his crib, grabbing my phone on the way. It was taking up too much space with the children's books and all. Besides, might as well use it since I had it.

I went to the master bedroom, and placed it on the windowsill. I would have to move it later, didn't want to drop it or anything. My mind niggled at me to do that now, not wait. But I ignored it; nothing was going to happen in the next hour or so.

Back downstairs, Solas had sat himself down next to Yume at the table, and had been tracing over the letters with her. Listening to her pronounce as she went. I smiled; it was such a sweet sight. I went over to Kieran and asked him what he needed. He spouted off some magical theory that I had no clue about. But Solas shot up and came to stand behind him, pointing out apparent flaws and explaining formulas and figures.

I shook my head; the boys could keep themselves on task it seemed. I sat with Yume instead, and helped her through her workbook. We finished the three pages, ending with her signing her name at the end of each one.

From there I pulled out my old Grim Fairytale reader, and had her start on the last story. It wasn't child friendly tales I guess, but I grew up on them so I didn't really mind. In my world, it was a terrible thing, but here everything seemed a bit more brutal.

I didn't notice when Kieran and Solas had stopped talking to each other and started listening. Not until Solas corrected a word Yume had stumbled over. I chuckled; this was the kind of thing I loved. All of us gathered together reading, it was something of a 'happy place' I would go to sometimes in my head. To see it out in the open, it really filled my heart.

Soon enough, the light had begun to fade to the point I had to grab the candles. I had put out snacks of bread and cheese at some point, and those where now gone. I debated taking the children to the main hall for dinner tonight, simply because it would give me time to finish cooking and restocking for the next day.

Jace cried from upstairs, and I went to get him. I was changing him on my bed when Solas called upstairs, "I have some books I would like to get for Yume to work on. I believe her to be ready. Would you mind?" I laughed and called out, "I was actually going to ask you to do that!" "Alright, I will be back in a moment." I heard him open the front door. A thought crossed my mind, she loved his painting maybe he would share some of his paint with her. I leaned out the window to catch him, "Solas!" I called, he turned around, and his eyes tracked something.

I looked. I had knocked my phone out the window. "Shit!" I swore. Solas reached to catch it, and caught it by the solar panel. The phone however hit the ground swinging by the cord.

"Damn it! I knew I should have moved it!" I cursed, "Is it cracked?" I asked, realizing of course that was a really stupid question. He wouldn't even know it could be cracked.

Regardless he looked down at it, turning it around a few times, "Your mirror?" He asked, "No, it appears to be unharmed. Though it is…. shaking?" He looked up at me curious.

_Mirror? Oh, it must have turned on the camera. _I sighed, "Yeah, it does that. Thanks Solas!" He nodded and looked back down at it. I was about to continue changing my fussy boy that was still being held to the bed mid unwrap, when I saw his finger go to caress the screen. "Fascinating."

All at once my mind jumped into modern mode, and I remembered what that motion did. "Wait! Solas don't…." He gasped, stiffened, as held that pose, eyes glued to the screen.

_The Gallery! Fan fucking tastic Grace! He's on the gallery! And the last picture you took… and sent to Victor… in the army…. Good job!_

"Fuck!" I cursed, tying Jace's diaper hurriedly and setting him back in his crib. He screamed at me, not at all happy. But I was flying down the stairs and out the door. I snatched the phone from Solas's hand, and turned away to turn it off. Oh and yes, it was what I thought it was.

There was a good two minutes of awkward silence. My back to him, I could feel Solas still looking at his hand. _Well, flirtation is done now Grace. Congratz! _I peeked behind me.

The only light came from the front door, so it was faint. But I could see Solas face as he stared unblinking at me. And his face was red. His ears too, which I found adorable really.

I couldn't hold in the giggle at that. It came out and he seemed shocked out of his daze. "Ahem," He cleared his throat, "Interesting device Grace." He said, not quite looking me in the eye. I looked down, "Sorry. I forgot that it was on there." I mumbled.

He said nothing for a bit, and Jace was screaming in earnest now. "I should go, um…" I mumbled, a bit downhearted and ashamed I will admit.

Solas reached out and tilted my chin up and turned me towards him. He met my eyes and smiled, "I will be back in a moment. Perhaps you can show me the... other... things that device can do?"

He was smiling warmly, but I could have sworn there was a smirk there in his eyes. I ducked my head and chuckled, "Sure." He turned to go and I called after him, "You bring the wine this time!" He chuckled and waved without turning.

I walked back in, slightly dazed. I went upstairs; calmed Jace, changed him, and took him back down and fed him the last of the oats we had all without seeing it. I was smiling stupidly, I could tell. But well, that turned out better than I thought it would.

Morrigan came blustering in, setting down her various things as she went, grabbing a handful of berries like I had earlier. She hugged Kieran and Yume and said hi to me as well. I don't think I responded. She poked my cheek, "Grace? Makers breath do you have a fever?" She asked, putting a hand to my head.

I giggled breathlessly, "Actually, I think I have a date!" She plucked Jace from my arms and stepped back, smiling at me and shaking her head. "Auntie dropped her phone." Kieran supplied.

I laughed harder. It had made him blush, _So he has flaws after all! Couldn't even look away. _I snickered.

_Wait…. ah hell..._


	11. Come to the Cabernet

**Chapter Eleven; Come to the Cabernet**

Morrigan gave me the time to a get cleaned up. She offered to put the children to sleep so I could go meet my "Date", though she laughed at me the whole time.

For my part, I wasn't sure what to think, much less do. It had been so long, and I could alway be reading too much into it. My rational mind did still work, just so long as I wasn't next to some hot blooded male.

Regardless, I did brush my hair and put it up in a loose bun. I changed out of my dress I had worn all day, into my cargos and my black turtleneck. It was still the most comfortable thing I owned other than pajamas.

Somehow, no matter what this evening turned out like I didn't think my pink plaid fuzzy bottoms and skimpy pink tank would be appropriate.

I grabbed my phone, and turned it on, flipping through the pictures to make sure I could find everything that might be… less than friend friendly. I debated deleting them, but in the end, just moved them to a private folder. I couldn't get them back now if I deleted them, so I couldn't do that.

I checked to see what music I had, or any other interesting things I could show him. This would be.. Interesting. I pocketed that, and checked one more time that I didn't look so.. momafied. _It'll do, _I shrugged.

I kissed Yume and Jace goodnight, and Morrigan shooed me out the door, chuckling the whole way.

The moon was out and very bright, lighting my way through the garden and then lighting the main hall further than the braziers alone. I pushed open the door to the Rotunda, only to find it empty.

Suddenly I realised how stupid this was. I had no idea as to where Solas's quarters actually were, and I went to the first place I always found him. Of course he wouldn't actually sleep on the small couch in plain view of everyone.

_Brilliant Grace! Way to show your hair color. _I sighed. Debating whether to go back to the tower and wait for him there. But something glinting on the table caught my eye. Curious I went over to it, noticing a faint buzz as I got closer.

It looked like a piece of a stone carving. But it glowed, and had faint blue lines through the whole work. It buzzed loudly, like a phone vibrating. I reached out and touched it, wondering if it was vibrating.

But it was still, though it shocked me a bit. I jumped back, slightly startled. My eyes drifted to the sketches of it and piles of notes. Everything was in a language I couldn't make heads or tails of. Still, I bent over them, pulling a few to me and squinting as if that would help. It didn't, but I did notice some numbering in the corner.

I pulled more papers, and looked. They were all numbered, and some had sketches and diagrams. I glanced around and found a comfy chair in the corner. I lugged it over, and settled in, pulling stacks to me and straightening them as I went.

_Maybe if they were in order I could see what they are supposed to be._ I figured it wouldn't take me too long, just a quick glance and I would head back.

Some of the numbered pages were duplicates, so I set them into different stacks. It didn't take long to realize I had no clue what piles went where. So I started scanning them.

Almost every one had a picture on it, that helped some. But many looked like Solas had just grabbed a random paper and wrote on it however he grabbed it. Some were obviously upside down on the other side, others were written on every space, ending up looking like some modern art piece.

I set those aside. The stacked the rest. By the time I was done, a while had passed, and my back was sore from bending over.

I stood and stretched, feeling my back pop in protest, but it felt infinity better.

"Good! Now you can sweep up the floors, and I have brushes that need washing." I heard a chuckle from above me. I looked up, and there was Solas, holding a wine bottle and two glasses and smirking.

I laughed, "You ass! How long were you standing there just letting me do your work for you?" He shrugged, still grinning, "Oh.. since you came in looking for me." He smirked again, and I'll be damned if it was my imagination this time, "You should have looked up."

I smiled, and blushed. I know I blushed, and it was very unlike me. _Bullshit Grace. You wouldn't know "Composed" if it came up and smacked your ass! _I snorted at the image, and Solas cocked his head at me. "Something funny Lady Grace?" He teased.

"I waved my hand at him, "Just get down here would you? I think you owe me a drink and looking up at you like this hurts my neck." He flashed me that smile again, and turned to come down the stairs and join me.

I flopped down on the couch, and pulled out my phone. It was more habit than anything that the first thing I did was check my texts. I shook my head at myself, _Wonder when I will get used to that. _

He handed me a glass, I wasn't even sure when he moved in front of me. But it hardly mattered. I lifted my glass for him to pour into. "Solas! Glasses this time? How romantic!" I giggled. Then caught myself. _Oh God Grace! Why don't you just come out and say "Take me now!" _

Solas just chuckled, and poured us both the ruby red wine. He set the bottle down on a side table, every movement so careful and controlled. For a moment, it irritated me. Why was it that I was a mess, and he was so very unfazed?

He came back, and scooted me over so he could sit, "So Grace," He took a sip, "Show me the wonders of your world then." He all but commanded. He was different somehow. More free? Less refined, or was it more so?

Either way I was excited to show him my phone, so I leaned against him, taking a sip of my own, and unlocked my phone.

I showed him how to scroll first, how to flip through the screens, and explained what they did. Not that that was what intrigued him, I knew. But I didn't know how to explain that yet, and he didn't ask.

Eventually I just handed the thing over to him, letting him figure it out on his own. I did point out the folder not to go to, and there was that damn smirk again, but nothing more. I leaned against his shoulder, finishing off my glass and watching him fumble around.

I snickered when he turned it a couple of time, activating the camera again. I reached over and showed him how to change the view, pointing out the two cameras as I went.

Then, like an old person with their first phone he asked, "So, how do I make it stay?" I laughed, probably harder than I should have.

I reached over and tapped the phone, getting a wonderful picture of a open mouthed droopy eyed Solas, mid blink, and myself with my head on his shoulder, smirking at him. He blinked a couple of times, and then huffed loudly, "That's horrible! Do it again."

I laughed so hard I almost fell of the couch. He shook his head, grinning, and refilled our glasses. I finally calmed enough to retake the picture, though I was still giggling. He waited until he saw me reach the phone, and then he smiled.

He actually grinned that smirk he had been giving me. I snorted, almost spilling my wine. He however held the picture out in front of him, preening like a peacock. "I like that!" He said, feeling his face in an effort to mimic the look. I did spill my wine that time.

"We call that, making love to the camera!" I giggled at him. He looked shocked for a moment before he chuckled and draining his glass.

He shot a glance my way while I was drinking my own wine, "Something on your mind, Grace?" He asked, and I could have sworn he had dropped his voice.

I inhaled, and choked on my wine. Coughing for a while as my eyes watered. I could hear him laughing at me, and I felt him rub my back soothingly until I could breathe again.

"I'll take that as a maybe then?" That was definitely a smug voice. I looked up, yup, the bastard was being smug! I smirked; _Well two can play that game. _I straightened up, reaching unnecessarily over his body to grab the bottle off the floor next to his feet and top myself off. Catching him stiffen just a tinsy bit.

_Oh! You thought I'd blush and hide, huh Solas? Ha! You're in trouble now. _Not that I had any confidence in my abilities per say, but I had very little shame at the moment. I blame it on the three glasses of wine coursing through my system.

"Not on my mind really, it's just a common subject where I come from." I said casually, and leaned back on the sofa with my now filled glass. I might have been arching my chest just a bit. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He reached for a pillow behind him and threw it at me, hitting me softly in the face.

"Your back bothering you Lethallan?" He smirked. I chuckled, and took the pillow and placed it behind my head, "Not at all! Why? Does my posture bother you?" I giggled into my glass.

"Well, I would not want you to injure yourself on my account." He smirked. I gasped, "Your account?!" I chuckled, "No, your height does not bother me too much. I don't have to stoop down to talk to you. Just barely though." I snorted.

He snorted into his wine, spilling some onto his tunic. I laughed and he glared playfully at me. He reached over and flicked my forehead, "It is hardly my fault that you are not dainty." He snarked back. I acted hurt and pouted at him, but he shook his head, "Won't work on me lethallan!" She instead I reached over and grabbed his wine, gulping it down and handing back the glass.

He looked at the glass mildly offended, "And here was I thinking if I got drunk enough…. "He trailed off shooting me that damn smirk. I kicked his shin, laughed harder. "How romantic of you Solas!" I teased.

He shook his head, and grabbed the bottle, noticing how light it was before taking a swig. "Hardly think romance is needed." He laughed. I waved my hand dismissively, "I wasn't planning on you catching my phone you know." He nodded, glancing back down at his where it lay on the sofa between us.

"So, what else does it do?" He asked. I grabbed it, and scooted back over to lean against him with my feet up on the other side. I unlocked it, and showed him the gallery. Now clean of course. He asked me what everything was, and even smiled at the baby pictures I still had on it.

We did get to one of Victor, and I felt him tense. "Cole had told me what happened. I can't fault you now." He said quietly, leaning his cheek on my head. I nodded slightly; it didn't hurt so much now that I was drunk.

That was nice, I wouldn't have wanted to become a sobbing wreck just then. I showed him all the rest of the pictures, and laughed with him about the silliness of some of them.

Eventually we reached the end, and he held out his hand to see it. "This is fascinating, but why did you carry it with you?" I shrugged, "In my world, we use that to communicate across distances, like instant letters, but with your voice. Everyone had one. It also held pictures, music, videos, calendars, really a bit of everything."I got up to get my glass from the floor, and settled back in.

"If anything, I was lucky to have it even though it doesn't work as a phone anymore." I told him, glancing up at him upside down to see his face. I giggled at the angle; it made his ears look bigger.

But he was looking down at me wide eyed, "Music? Truly?" he asked, I nodded and grabbed it from him, swiping to another screen and opening the MP3 player. I didn't have a lot of songs, most of what I had used before I had connected to the internet. So of course that wouldn't work here. Instead I had a small selection of my favorites, only 30 or so.

I started with the least modern, and played it for him. It was that Ballad of Tam-Lin and Janet, a folk version I had found once, and I hummed along with it. I had closed my eyes, so I didn't see when Solas started to get up to make notes. So I was surprised when my "Pillow" moved and dropped me unceremoniously on the couch. But I giggled because everything was funny, _and fuzzy now that I think about it. _

I glanced over at him, he was making notes on yet another piece of paper. I snorted, "I can write down the lyrics later if you want." I told him, he turned around sharply, "Yes, that would be excellent!" But I heard "Eggcelent" and I barked a laugh.

"That is what it looks like!" I pointed, laughing really hard now that I saw it. He cocked his head, "What?" I just laughed harder and pointed, trying to make myself speak, "Your.. pfft.. You head! Hahaha! It's an egg!" I rolled over onto my stomach, burying my head in the cushion as I laughed.

I felt him pinch my arm, and I shrieked in laughter, rolling over and smacking his hand away. He was just amused, shaking his head at me and chuckling. "Now," He scooted me back so he could sit, "What are videos?" I was still giggling, but I unlocked my phone again, taking a couple trys though, and showed him that folder.

"They are, the paintings from before?" He asked, I shook my head and clicked on one. It was Yume and Victor opening Christmas gifts, and I sighed happily as I watched it. Solas was transfixed. After the first one, he went on to another. And then another, all of them family movies. I was beginning to feel sleepy, and the sound was so soothing I was dropping off.

Until I heard the very first notes of a piano opening for the song "Mein Herr." I shot up and made to grab it. "Wait! Damn I knew I forgot something!" I reached for it, but Solas held it away smirking as the music started to play, "Why?" He asked still watching the screen where he held it above him. "Oh.." He chuckled, and I winced. This would be the part where I got onstage.

I reached harder for it, but he held my waist down keeping me from getting it. "You were a bard lethallan?" He snickered. "I was a Barde, but not in this one, give me that!" I said, most assuredly slurring and wriggling around to get it. Still the song played and I heard the scrape of a chair.

"Ugh! Solas!" He just laughed, "You did promise Grace. A song and dance on a table if I am not mistaken." I huffed, how the hell was he not slurring? Or even remembering that?! I sat back down and pouted. I heard my voice start and cringed. I seriously hated my voice, but Victor had wanted the whole thing on film. We were just friends then, and I was in a few theater plays. And there was a whole damn folder of it.

"Just this one then." I told him sternly. He nodded, smirking, but acknowledging at least, and settled us back to watch it. I drained my glass. He shifted around a few times as the short four minute video ran. By the time it was half over and I was doing the meat of the stretches on the chair I pinched his side when he shifted again. "You're going to knock me off Solas." I chuckled. He huffed, but remained still.

Four minutes can drag on when you're embarrassed I found out. But as much as I wanted it to be over, some part of me was curious as to what he would think. The movie stopped, and I didn't wait. "So, what did you think?" I asked him, a little excited for his opinion. Okay more than a little.

He just gaped a bit at the now blank screen, "Incredible." He breathed, and looked at me. I was a bit taken aback. "Really?" He seemed to shake himself and bit and nodded. "This device is unlike anything I could have ever imagined!" He gushed.

_Right.. the phone… got the hint.. _I imagine I deflated a little, but I got up to jot down the lyrics to the song. If he liked it so much, maybe I could teach the bard here. But I heard the 'click' of the select function of the phone. I turned around and he was smiling mischievously. Bastard was queuing up another video!

"Solas! I said just one!" I chuckled at him. He laughed, "Yes, and I showed you I heard you. I never agreed." He smirked. I lunged for him, reaching out my arm, but he ducked under me and all but danced away holding it up.

I chased him, and this sparked a game of tag I guess. We knocked over the papers on his desk, and the plush chair. Finally I managed to grab him, but I slipped, taking him down with me.

He laughed and rolled off me to get up again, but I grabbed his shoulders, Scrambling up to reach for the phone. Both of us laughing like idiots. I brushed one of his ears by accident and he snorted. Like. A. Pig. There was a half second of his mortified face before he looked at me scared.

"Oh! Are you ticklish Solas?" I teased. He let go of the phone, and tried desperately to get up. But no way in hell was I going to let this go. I wrestled him down, and brushed his ear again. This time, he almost squeaked. "Don't!" He giggled. Giggled! He was snorting and giggling!

I reached for my phone shaking the camera on and clicking to video one handed. Like a pro. Well a drunk pro with a squirming full grown man trying to get away from me. I aimed it at him, and keep tickling him, trying not to let my own snickers get too loud. _Just wait till Dorian see this! _I chuckled evilly.

A clearing of a throat made us both stop, giggles almost vanishing. I looked up to the doorway, _Speak of the devil! _

Dorian stood looking down at us highly amused. He crossed his arms, trying to look stern but not really succeeding. "No no! Please, don't stop on my account. I am sure all of Skyhold wants to hear this one." He gestured around us. I laughed, oh god my sides hurt.

I let Solas up and collapsed on the floor laughing. Solas was speechless, just staring at Dorian mortified. "Let me guess," Dorian arched an eyebrow, "Not what it looks like?" He snickered. I couldn't breathe.

"I.. I.. "Breath in, "I got it on camera!" I rushed out, laughing even harder. "You what?" Solas turned to me so sharply I thought his head would snap off. He looked at the offending device in my hand and made to grab for it. I tossed it to Dorian. _Oh! Yeah, smart drunken Grace, throw your damn phone! _"Shit, catch it!" I called. Dorian caught it easily, and looked down.

"What is it?" He asked, turning it around a bit, "A… mirror?" He asked. Solas burst out laughing and neither of us could tell Dorian why. Or would actually.

_Life is a cabaret old chum… more like Cabernet actually._


	12. First Impressions

**Chapter Twelve; First Impressions**

I awoke to a banging. It was loud and did nothing for my head that instantly felt like it was being split in half. I rolled over to bury myself in the covers and hide from the noise. I wasn't ready to be among the living.

I smacked a person's face as I reached blindly for more to hide in. "TSss, OW!" A deep tenor voice…. not Morrigan.. The person moaned and rolled over, taking blankets with them.

I shot up in bed, instantly regretting it as my world spun. _Fun! Still drunk, that starts the day off wonderfully! _I winced and cracked open an eye, immediately taking in that this was not my room. That there was a darker skinned person in bed with me. A chill breeze…. that I was without clothing.

_Oh Shit! Dorian! _My mind leapt even I as I tumbled out of the bed to throw on my clothing. Dorian seemed buried under more blankets than would make it possible to breath. Only his back, Shoulder and a bit of hair stuck out.

The pounding again, this time harder. "Hey! Kick the tart out and get out here!" A very deep, and even louder voice bellowed. I threw on my pants, barely managing to get them buckled. I search around for my bra and shirt, trying to be as quiet and quick as humanly possible.

All the while still a bit drunk and feeling like my head was going to fall off my shoulders.

I remembered Dorian stumbling on Solas and I, and that we had decided to take the party elsewhere. I remember the tavern I though, blurry but I was pretty sure. I remember a shot of something that almost made me vomit. After that…. nothing at all.

My bra was on a chair back across the small room, and I saw my shirt half way under the bed. I grabbed them and looked for my phone. But I didn't get the chance to search for long.

"Fine, Coming in!" That same voice, before the door banged open and I turned around. It. Was. Huge.

I shrieked, and ungodly sound that echoed through the hall behind the huge beast. It had horns and was all scared to hell, and was looking at me with a huge grin.

He was across the small space in way too little time and reached down to grab Dorian. I panicked.

"Dorian! Demon!" I screamed as I launched myself at the huge thing. "Wha?!" But I barreled into it's stomach and the wind got knocked out of it. It staggered back and reached for my arm, grasping me. I was going to tug away, but I could feel it was too strong, and if I ran it could get Dorian.

I glanced over to see a person sitting bolt upright and half out in the bed. An obviously female person. Krem.

I didn't have time to wonder at that yet, "Fuck!" the monster all but yelled, and I saw the horns. _Pole dancing lessons don't fail me now!_ I reached up with my free arm, took a step back a stride, then launched forward and jumped, using the momentum to swing myself upside down like I had been taught.

Adrenaline seems to do a lot of things to a person. For example I could feel myself strain at the weight. I could feel the texture of the horn burn my hand, and I could feel the bruise when my now spread legs collided with the back of the monsters skull.

My little trick had thrown off his balance, only slightly but enough, and he went down face first, catching himself on a knee and wrenching my arm he still held across his body in the process. I heard more than felt the pop that followed.

"Shit! Chief!" I was precariously perched backward for about a second before the beast dropped my arm and reached up to grab my waist.

I couldn't breathe which was a blessing as it scooped me up one armed and dropped me on the floor. Winded as I was, I managed, "Krem, Get him!" and the monster stood up, laughing.

Then the pain hit. Sharp and blooming from my shoulder up to my head. Mixed with a drunkover and a lot of motion and adrenalin I turned on my side trapping my useless arm under me and vomited.

I felt someone rubbing my back, and moving my hair out of the way. Confused I looked up between heaves. The beast had his arms crossed over his chest and was looking at me, _Concerned? Wait what?_, and a very naked Krem was crouched down with me.

"Damn, she okay Krem?" The big thing muttered.

"What!?' I croaked. Krem lift me up a bit, my arm dragging on the ground behind me at a weird angle and the pain shooting again.

Krem felt my shoulder wincing a bit, "Dislocated chief. Damn Grace! What did you do that for?" Krem scolded me. My eyes were welling up a bit at the pain and the tossing feeling in my stomach. "I thought.." I looked up at the 'Chief', and he shook his head at me ruefully.

"It's alright Krem. Red told me she might not react well to meeting me." He knelt down. Next to me and took his arm in his huge hands, pulling it gently in front of me and lifting. "Didn't figure you for the spitfire type though Krem del la crème!" He laughed over my shoulder.

"Not the time chief!" Krem moved behind me, and I recognized what came next. Never had it done, just seen it in movies. I still couldn't breathe well, it felt tight across the front of my chest. But I took in as much air as I could and braced.

"Was trying to distract her." Chief muttered, and then pulled twisted and pushed, with Krem bracing his arms against my back and part of my chest. Snap! Pop! Pain, and Vomit. All over the chief's boots.

Then I could breath and I looked up at the chief, mortification setting in quickly. _ I'm so fucking sorry! _But instead it came out, "I am never drinking again!"

Krem laughed, and the Chief smiled. "Well damn! Seems like you're fun to drink with!" He chuckled. I shook my head, then winced.

_Yeah, still hungover Gracie. And next the walk of shame! _I cringed. I didn't remember anything, and this morning was not a good start to my day. My arm hurt, my head hurt, I had vomit in my hair and on my clothing, and on the chiefs boots… and all over the floor…. and I lost my phone.

I was about to prove that I was the perfect role model of a mother once again! Heavy on the sarcasm.

"I'm so sorry." I mumbled. Krem was already getting dressed, wrapping her chest with a speed that defied logic. I would have been more impressed, but I just wanted a hole to crawl into.

"For what?" the chief asked, "That was fun!" He laughed. Then he shot me a look that was like a teenager trying out a pickup line for the first time.

"Let's do it again sometime. I won't be so rough." And he wiggled one eyebrow since the other was covered by a patch. It was so ridiculous that I snorted, and Krem laughed.

"Chief. Get out so I can finish yeah?" She chuckled. He sighed and got up, heading out the door, "10 minutes Krem, then in the ring for drills." He turned to me and Grinned again, big and a bit like a little boy, "By the way, I'm The Iron Bull." And chuckled as he left.

_Well…. we make great first introductions! Now for the ever popular morning after talk!_

I glanced over at Krem who was finishing up bucking her pants. She looked at me and gave a weak smile. "Gracie… I'm sorry."


	13. A Lesson in Ignorance

**Chapter Thirteen: A lesson in Ignorance**

I sat there with my mouth open. Of all the things she could say, and apology was not one of them. "Why would you be sorry?" I asked

She looked down momentarily. I could tell she felt caged, and I couldn't understand why. She paced to the side of the bed, and grabbed her shield, slinging it on her back. Followed by her sword that she sheathed.

She stopped suddenly and turned to me, "I knew you were drunk Grace." She mumbled. It took my brain a moment to catch up. She remembers everything. My thoughts so helpfully supplied for me. My stomach plummeted.

"I don't make it a habit to take advantage of those sorts of situations." She rushed out. She locked eyes with me, and I saw how guilty she felt, "I should have never done that to you, and I am sorry." She said firmly.

I blinked, still not understanding why she was guilty, why she felt the need to apologize. "It's alright Krem. It was just a little fun." She paled, and I knew instantly that was the wrong thing to say. I panicked, "Really, it doesn't bother me!" I blurted. I saw her jaw set. This was going very badly.

"What doesn't bother you?" She asked softly, but it felt like there was more there. I couldn't place it. Grace! Fix this!

"That you're a woman." The only thing I could think that would make her upset. The only thing that could be delicate about this whole mess. There was silence. Pure and filled with tension. She looked past me, "I'm a man Grace." She told me tersely.

I shook my head, "Yes I get that. I'm sorry Krem. I just meant that It doesn't bother me to see you out of your armor." I tried to say softly. "If that's what you are worried about, then please don't. I have been with women before." I added.

She sighed and looked down at me, crestfallen. "No, I understand what you meant." She nodded, and brushed past me out the door.

My mind rushed back to everything I had said. I couldn't understand what I had done. What had I said that made her so… I didn't even have a word for it. Disappointed maybe?

I had girlfriends before when I was a girl. Little crushes and kisses really. I was Bisexual I supposed, though I hadn't really experimented much since I had married so young and only needed my husband. But the idea didn't repulse me. It didn't make me judge her, or make me want to change her for her choices. We all made bad choices sometimes.

What about it was a bad choice? It was like lightning. I had ignored what she was trying to say. She wasn't talking about fun, or a night of it rather. She wasn't asking if I was okay with her. He. "I am a man Grace."

I still didn't understand, but I hadn't even tried. It was important to he-him. It was valuable to him, and I had been anything but understanding. And I had no idea how to make up for that. What I did know, what I did hear clear as day now, was the guilt in his voice. "I should never had done that to you, and I am sorry."

But it should have been me apologizing. I had taken advantage of him. And there was no taking that back now.

Up until now, most of my mistakes could be laughed at. Made fun of. Not all of them though. I hadn't dealt with anything that was important really. I had hid, like I always hid, behind smiles and my awkwardness. The truth was much more severe.

I wasn't ready even now. I got up, went out into the hall to grab some rushes and a broom to sweep up my mess. It didn't take as long as I thought it would, but maybe that's because I was lost in thought. I would have rather not be.

I gathered up the rushes, and opened the window to let the room air out. As a last thought, I made Krem's bed. In my world I would have washed everything too. But it wasn't that easy here. You knew everything there didn't you Gracie? My mind sneered at me.

I kept moving, hoping to run away from that inner voice that hounded me. Curse of being a logical person I suppose.

I Made my way down the short flight of stairs and to the courtyard. The room wasn't far from the tavern, so I made my way up the battlement behind it to get to the garden. No doubt the children would be awake now. I guess I was lucky that Bull woke me up so early.

I still needed to find my phone. with any luck Solas would know what happened to it. Though I dreaded seeing him now that I knew how badly I had behaved. I almost jogged back to the tower.

Blessedly Morrigan was still upstairs when I opened the door. I called up to her that I would run to get water and bath, and she hummed back in response. I grabbed the kettler, and the wash bin, as well a a pale we had for extra, and I all but sprinted out the door.

Keep moving, don't think yet. Keep moving. It was a mantra in my head and I blindly followed it. I bathed, and registered the water was colder than usual so I focused on that. I drew what I needed, and focused on not spilling. I made my way back dodging people and not running into them.

My head had just started to clear once I was back in our tower. The kettle was hot, breakfast was made, and I had changed. I dressed Yume once she woke up, and did her hair. I fed Jace and made sure he got a small bath in the wash bin. I gave Keiran his books, Morrigan her staff, and did anything at all to keep from any quiet.

But I couldn't keep it up forever. Eventually Jace slept in the sling, Yume read her books in the garden with Keiran, and the house didn't need much else. I was settling to go to the kitchens and get what I would need to restock our pantry. A jangle of chain mail on plate and swift booted feet sounded down the corridor.

A woman turned the corner into my view. She had the Inquisitions insignia on her breast plate, and short black hair. But what was unsettling was her expression. "Like a thunderhead." Never seemed more appropriate. She saw me, and made a almost quick march to me.

"You are Grainne I am told." She said crisply, her voice like a mix of soft Russian and something else. "I have been sent to collect you to meet with the Inquisitor." I winced. I never had gotten around to sending her a message. I nodded.

"Keiran? Keep an eye on Yume while I am gone please?" I called. He waved, and then was right back to his books. Yume copied him. I turned back to the woman, "Alright, lead on please?" I asked, and I am sure I sounded more timid than I had wanted to.


	14. Talk With the Boss

**Chapter Fourteen; Talk with the Boss**

People parted before the lady like water as we walked briskly through the main hall. A few people turned to watch us pass, ducking the terse woman gaze as we passed. My stomach settled like a stone. It seemed like everyone knew something that would not bode well for me.

Whispers started as we reached the door that led to the Ambassador's office, and the war room beyond that. The woman in front of me opened the door harshly and walked through never slowing her pace.

I followed closing it behind me as softly as I could. I was already on edge. My conversation just a short couple of hours ago with Krem still weighing on my heart, but I was trying to push it aside. _For now. _

One more door and we stood in the parlor that served as an office to greet the nobles and business people that came to Skyhold on a daily bases. As homely as it looked, today it felt colder.

Josephine sat at her desk at in the corner, looking up for a moment from her work then continuing on. It was unnerving more than I wanted to admit that she was not the one to greet us. Not like her usual polite smile, and easy words.

Sera sat on the desk itself, feet swinging a bit as she locked her eyes with me. She smiled at me, but the smile faded soon. Standing in front of the fire was the Inquisitor. Her back was too me and her arms crossed behind her back. I knew this stance. With a sinking feeling I remember the last time I had been in this position. _When I last got fired. _

I braced myself for the bad news. I wasn't sure what I had done yet, but my head raced ahead of me, recalling the missed meeting, the lack of communication. _Was that enough to make her this angry?_

"Lady Pentagast, thank you for bringing her. I am sorry to pull you away from training the recruits." The Inquisitor spoke without looking at me. Lady Pentagast bowed, "Inquisitor." She said, and turned on her heel to leave, as briskly as she had come in.

The door shut, and I still lingered by the door as there was a moment of silence. The Inquisitor turned to me, her face no longer smiling at me, but neutral. I bowed my head, "Inquisitor I apologize for not meeting with you.."

"I didn't call you here just for that Grainne." The Inquisitor cut me off, She moved to the desk and picked up a small stack of papers. "Inky, you and I both know this is rubbish." Sera said sharply.

The Inquisitor looked at her sharply, "This isn't The Red Jenny's, Sera, this is a huge operation and I have to be serious sometimes!" She shouted.

Sera glared at her and slid off the desk. Folding her arms and stomping to the door. She turned around and glared between the Inquisitor and the ambassador, pointing a finger at them as she shouted, "Yeah, well you being serious is why you need her! Some piss ant good for nothin noble bitches about nothin, and all the big people jump to it!"

She turned around and slammed open the door, calling out over her shoulder, "My friends still say she's good for it." And she slammed the door behind her.

I tried hard to keep the look of terror off my face. Whatever just happened somehow I had caused it. I looked to the Inquisitor. She had her hand over her eyes and was leaning against the desk.

Frustrated would be a tame word to use I think. I glanced at Josephine, who scowled down at her papers, pen paused in mid air. She looked up at me and took a breath. She set down her pen gracefully and stood up, coming around to stand in front of me.

"You recall that there was to be the discussion of a position here in Skyhold." She folded her hands in front of her as she spoke. The Inquisitor pushed off the desk and went back to the fireplace. I nodded, "Yes ma'am, I do."

Josephine nodded and gestured for me to follow the Inquisitor, and she sat down on one of the couches. "Naturally, we still have every intention of having you work for us. No one person can stay in Skyhold for free you understand." She continued.

My stomach clenched, _But? _Instead I nodded, "Yes I understand." The Inquisitor turned around and studied me for a moment. Then she spoke, and thankfully her voice was softer than before.

"Sera had been having people keep an eye on you," She said, walked back to the desk, picking up the stack of paper and coming to sit on the small settee near Josephine. "And they have been sending her letters." She flipped through them, pulling one and handing it to me.

My eyes scanned the page, looking for the tell tale words of someone angry with something I had done. To my surprise it was from the cook. She said I had taught her staff well, and had been quick.

That they were using the new method for bread and the general supply of the kitchens stock had been much improved. She went on to request for my help in the kitchens more permanently in the future.

I looked up, and I know that shock registered on my face. The Inquisitor smiled, though still a bit tightly.

Josephine spoke up, "There are more like that, but the trend is common. Nearly every person in charge of something, from the repairs to Master Dennett himself, has requested you be made a permanent part of their force."

The Inquisitor took back the letter I handed her. and settled the stack as she thought. "Originally Sera requested that I consider you for a quite large position in Skyhold. And I agreed." She got up and paced again.

"May I observe that something has changed that possibility?" I asked softly. Not that I wanted a large position, but I had obviously done something to disappoint the Inquisitor, and that did not set well in my heart. She stopped pacing and leveled me with a firm look. "I will be blunt; I don't think you are responsible enough for the task."

My heart dropped, almost the exact words that I had heard long ago when I was fired from my first job. My eyes prickled. _Something's never change Grace. Looks like you haven't grown up at all. _

I blinked and took a breath, "May I please know what causes you to come to that decision?" I asked, making my voice steady. She smiled a bit, "Good! You can take blunt. You'll need that." She sat down again, hands folded.

"Firstly, although you have glowing reports from many people, you did take them away from their work, and you did not clear anything with anyone in charge. A bit of room for creative problem solving is of course allowed, but that is a trend of yours. That can be a good quality, but in this case it was seen as presumptuous."

I nodded, I hadn't realized at the time, but I definitely had taken liberties there. "Is there someone I should go to in the future?" I asked. The Inquisitor cocked her head, "So no stopping you then?" I flushed realizing how that sounded.

Josephine interrupted, "You will come to me in the future." I nodded and clenched my hands together. I didn't know what else I had done, but the list seemed long for so short of answers this early on.

The Inquisitor sat back and continues, "Secondly, I am told you renovated your own tower with the lady Morrigan. Though no one had claim to that part of the keep, it still demonstrated a lack of care for the authority within Skyhold. Some people have questioned the use of the materials you scavenge as well, claiming that they could have been put to better use for the barracks or healing quarters."

She glanced over at me, "You started a trend with that idea as well, and some questionable lumber was used by some workers for the scaffolding recently and it almost ended badly."

I winced, I hadn't thought of that. Over all it seemed as though I had caused more problems than anything. I looked down at my hands in an effort to keep my eyes from tearing up more. "I am so sorry." I said.

I heard her sigh, "Also, you have been seen in the tavern I am told, I don't think I need to tell you how that looks?" I cringed that time, "No, Ma'am." I risked a glance up, and she was looking at me curiously. _Watching your responses I bet. _

"Some levity is encouraged, we cannot all be focused on the gloom and tasks at all times." Josephine's smooth voice cut in, "However, there should be a balance between indulgence and duty. Which would have made your appearances in the tavern a different thing if we had been able to meet with you two days ago."

I braced myself for that one and looked to the Inquisitor. She nodded at me, "Yes, that was perhaps the biggest problem to me. At court I vouched for your family, and I announced when our meeting would take place to ensure that everyone knew you were not taking advantage of the privilege."

She leaned forward even as my stomach clenched and I struggled to maintain eye contact without crying, "You did not report to me, you did not send a missive to let me know ahead of time, nor any time after that. And above all, I am told you went for a joyride on a visiting dignitary's horse in the meanwhile."

"What?!" I asked shocked before I could stop myself. "Dennett let me borrow the cart mare! I saddled her myself!" The Inquisitor stiffened and her eyes narrowed at me, "But you did go." I looked down at my hands, the tears now gathering and threatening to overflow. "It wasn't a joy ride ma'am."

I heard her huff, as she got up. She walked to the desk in the corner, and returned just as quickly. "I received this letter this morning. I want you to read it and confirm it or deny it." She put the paper in my lap and resumed pacing.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes as I picked it up and began to read.

**Dearest Lady Cadash, Inquisitor and Herald of Andraste,**

**My sincerest apologies for having this delivered so early in the morning. But an urgent matter has come up that needs to be addressed post haste.**

**By now you must have hear what the Lord Weston has reported of a woman within your hold, stealing his horse for an all day ride into the mountains. I am told by my sister in Val Royeaux, that the poor beast threw a shoe on the return journey home, and it was the direct result of the girls careless treatment of the poor thing.**

**Of course, trusting your judgment of your choices in staff, I had doubted all of the validity for such a tale. Now however, I am afraid I must join others in my complaints against such a servant as the aforementioned girl.**

**Last night, that servant was seen drunkenly stumbling into my own personal quarters and had been digging through my own belongings. Apparently, she was found in the act, but ran before we could bring her to you, and took off with sixty sovereigns and a necklace I had purchased for my lady wife.**

**I must demand that she be punished and that I be compensated for my loses and for the clothing she ruined in her search.**

**Furthermore, I am afraid that the pledge of my house to such an order that would allow this kind of filth as their own staff is in severe doubt as of the moment. Unless we receive some sort of recompense we will of course have to take precautions for our person and our reputation as a well known household.**

**With Humble Regards,**

**Lord Colbert**

My vision blurred as I finished the letter. That couldn't be! I would never have done such a thing. I looked up to the Inquisitor. She was staring at me with a deep frown etched on her face. "Can you account for yourself last night?" My mind reeled. _You don't remember all of last night. _

I could lie. I knew in my heart that I would never do this. But I didn't know that I couldn't have drunkenly stumbled somewhere I shouldn't have. I had assumed that I went with Krem after that last shot. But hurting Krem was another thing I hadn't known I could do, and I did that easily enough.

My shoulders slumped and I took a breath, "I was with Solas at first. Then Dorian joined us. We went to the tavern, and I was there for a while. I don't remember anything else, but I was with Krem this morning."

I locked eyes with the Inquisitor, "It was a poor set of choices on my part, but I know I wouldn't do this." I was rather proud that my voice didn't waver and that only a few tears leaked out.

Of all the ways I wanted the day to go, this was not it. _Could be worse! Could be raining…._


	15. Common Ground

**Chapter Fifteen; Common Ground**

Jace started squirming, his cry clearly saying he was hungry now. I winced, adjusting him a bit. _Not the best time little buddy. _An odd look crossed the Inquisitors face as she glanced at him.

A moment passed as his crying got louder. "I'm sorry. I haven't had time to make his formula yet." I explained as I took his out of the sling and started patting his back to quiet him. The inquisitor nodded quietly, all the firmness gone from her face now as she looked at him.

"May I hold him for a moment?" She asked. Her voice so soft, and almost sad. I watched her face, she was biting her lip a little on the corner, and something like tears seemed to glaze her eyes a bit. "Of course!" I told her, and handed him to her.

She took him gently, a smile breaking out over her whole face. "Hi there little one!" She cooed. Seeming to have forgotten completely everything we had been talking about.

Josie chuckled and turned to me. "We will wrap this up quickly then. Grace, you will still be working for me now. I will have you assigned to different groups throughout the next few weeks. If you do well, and continue to learn the order of things, we will reevaluate you for another role. " He face turned solemn once more, "We will of course still have to address the nobles complaints you understand. You said there were others with you? Perhaps they could be sent for."

I cringed. After my behavior to Krem, and God only knows what happened with Solas and Dorian, I didn't want something so formal as a missive sent to them asking for them to come to my aid. "If it's alright with you ambassador, I would like to speak with them personally first. I feel I have a lot to account for." I looked down at my hands, already thinking through how I would even begin to ask for them to vouch for me. It was daunting.

"Fair enough Grace, But I expect those accounting to be in my hands by tomorrow evening." Josie said. I nodded, that was more than fair.

Jace giggled in the Inquisitors arms as she bounced him and nuzzled her nose again his. He played with her hair and traced her face, laughing every time she made a new one. It was such a strange sight after the talk we had just had. But in some way, it seemed like we all needed the reprieve. She caught me looking, and smiled at me. "Grace, I still wish to talk with you about the horse?" She said.

I tensed, "Of course ma'am." But she saw the tension in my face. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Let's go to my quarters Grace. With your permission I may have something for your boy." She sounded almost hopeful, but like she was trying hard to keep it from her voice. I laughed, "That would be fine with me. You always have my permission to spoil them."

She furrowed her brows, "We will see. Come then." Josephine got up, and nodded to us both, gathering up the papers and sitting back at her desk to work again. I followed the Inquisitor out of the room, past the dais, and to the door to her room. I opened it for her and closed it behind us. _Why does she want to see me in private? _

I wasn't so naive as to think that Jace was the only reason she invited me into her quarters. But I was still nervous. Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice the room until we got to the top of the steps that lead us to her main quarters. When I did, it took my breath away.

A view of the mountains surrounding Skyhold stretched out from stained glass windows that surrounded the room. There was a grand fireplace against the furthest wall, a small library in the corner, and her bed as well as some chairs scattered about.

It was cozier than I would have pictured. Everything was warm colors and there wasn't much open space for all the furniture. She chuckled, "Even I need to get away Grace." She said softly over her shoulder. "That's true, I can imagine everyone needs that." I acknowledged. _And you most of all. _

But that was unspoken between us. She sat down on a chaise near the fireplace, kicking up her feet. She nodded to the chair closest to her, and I sat down. "Before all this, I was just a woman too." She said quietly. She was still looking at Jace, watching how his eyes tracked the room and stared up at the huge ceiling above us.

I stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue. We all knew that she wasn't always this Inquisitor. Solas had said that she received the mark at a great meeting of the Chantry and the factions at war. But no one spoke of before.

She sighed, "I envy you Grace. You have your children, and the chance to be a mother in all this." She looked at me, something like hurt in her gaze. Very quietly she spoke, "I miss that."

Everything stopped for me. My mind halted completely as the gravity of what she had said washed over me. _A mother?! She was a mother too! _

I found my voice, "How long?" I didn't need to say more, we didn't need to say more than that. We both knew, she had lost her little one. She looked at Jace and kissed his cheek as he squirmed in her lap.

"He was about Jace's age. A week after I went to the conclave." I did the math in my head. _10 months, that long since she held her boy. _I watched how Jace squirmed more, the newness of the place and the person holding him wearing off in favor of his hunger. He started fussing, and the Inquisitor shifted a bit uncomfortably.

It hit me like a freight train. One of many things she missed, something she could give to Jace, something she was worried I would not be okay with. I smiled warmly. I could help her and him, and it would be a wonderful thing for them both. "You can go ahead if you want." I told her. She smile could have blinded me. She blinked tears, "Are you sure?" I nodded and giggled, "Of course! Here let me hold him while you get comfortable." I got up and picked Jace up bouncing him on my hip.

She giggled, girlish and light and so unlike the woman I had seen so far. She all but jumped off the chaise and started buckling her top and shrugging out of the sleeves. She stopped and looked at me, top half off, "It really is okay? You're not just letting me because I am in charge?" She asked, vulnerable now.

My heart ached for her. I could not imagine having the joy of bonding with a little one stolen from me. I had never been able to nurse my children myself. But when I had to finally give up after months of trying, it tore me apart. To lose that after having it, to lose a little one and everything about them, I was awed at her strength to go on.

"Right now, you are a woman, and you need this as much as he will enjoy the treat." I smiled. "I am just honored you would ask." She smiled and shook her head, "My advisors would be shocked if they knew." I shrugged, "Then we don't tell them! I don't see why it would be a bad thing. But everyone needs private moments."

I grabbed a few pillows from around the room, propping them up on the chaise so she would be supported. She settled back in after she had removed her top and reached for Jace, so excited and happy that her hands shook. I handed him to her. After a little coaxing he had latched, and she crie then. Happy tears that made my eyes water as well. She looked up at me and laughed, so breathless and happy it took my own breath away.

She asked for this one thing, after so much weight and so much pain. I couldn't fathom how someone would frown on it. It filled my heart as well, I felt like I had found a way to fill a need in my son that I couldn't have done alone. I was beautiful and wonderful and perfect.

There were many things still in this new world I did not understand, and many more things I had never bothered to learn in my own. Krem was an excellent example, and the thought still made my heart twinge. But this, this I understood. This I knew. _Maybe I am the only one that would other than her._

I let the silence and peace stretch, enjoying the sound of Jace cooing and sighing and suckling. And Cadash cooing and singing to him softly, sniffling once or twice. We all needed this. It felt like something resolved, something finished and done well. With a jolt I realized that was what I wanted to do. Finish my loose ends.

I cleared my throat, working past the sudden lump that had formed. "I took the horse to run away so I could grieve." I started. Cadash looked up at me, watching me curiously. "What do you mean? Grieve your world?"

I nodded, "In part I suppose. The Commander, he looked like my husband, and I thought he was for a moment." I said softly, watching Jace squirm a bit and snuggle into Cadash's breast, grabbing his hair as he got sleepy.

Her mouth dropped open, "No one told me that." She said softly. I bit my lip, "I don't think I would have wanted them too. I still have not talked with him since then." I looked out the window, spotting the part of one of the mountains that Blackwall had taken me to.

"Blackwall came with me, and he helped me get through a lot of it. It's not done yet, but I at least have a place to start." I told her. She hummed a bit, "I understand." she said, looking back a Jace and smiling softly.

"I wish I had known. It doesn't stop everything that went wrong, but it does explain something's." She glanced up at me. "I want you to prove yourself, I want you all to be able to stay." _I need you now, that's what she's saying. _

"I do know that this is still a business. I want you to count on me, to be able to count on me." I told her firmly. In those few words we promised each other to work harder, to do better. We let Jace finish up and I started making a list in my head of things I needed to do. I glanced at her desk.

"Inquisitor? May I use some paper from your desk?" She winced and looked at me wryly, "Only if you never call me that again in private." I laughed, "Cadash?" She giggled, "Only my mother calls me that! It's Rose." I laughed, "Alright Rosie." She chucked a pillow at me, "I am beginning to regret this." I chuckled and replaced the pillow, Jace had fallen asleep but neither of us were in a hurry to move him.

I sat at the desk, moving aside the work yet to be done and grabbed a new sheet of paper. Top of my list,

Speak to the Commander…. _No pressure at all! _


	16. Things that are Precious

**Chapter Sixteen; Things that are Precious**

I left Jace with Rose sometime later. The Inquisitor was loath to part with him, and Jace seemed plenty happy as he was after he had gotten some more substantial food in his system.

Though the image of the Inquisitor splattered with peas from head to toe when she answered the door for Josie was not going to stop being funny anytime soon.

I would head back to the tower to check on Kieran and Yume first at least that was the plan.

The sound of something breaking from the rotunda stopped me though. I changed direction and pushed open the door. "Um.. Solas?" I called.

Voices drowned me out though, and I heard the scrape of wood on the wall.

"You can't do it! She doesn't want you to!" "Cole come down. I wasn't going to do.." "Yes you were I heard you!"

I walked briskly into the open room, and found Cole holding something close to his chest and balancing on top of the scaffolding. Solas was trying to steady the ladder that had been jostled loose.

"What's going on?" I asked, more than a little concerned to see Cole in a state of panic at all. Cole's hat made it hard for me to see his face, but he pointed down at Solas.

"He wanted it to forget, but you would be sad. You like laughter, it helps you. You don't like forgetting." Cole rushed out.

Solas sighed, "Cole, I wondered how that worked. I was not going to do anything. I was just listening to the music."

Two and two came together slowly, and I laughed. "Solas! You had my phone didn't you?!" I watched as he stiffened a bit. "I didn't want it to get misplaced or broken. It seems important to you."

I chuckled, "Cole sweetie, come on down. I trust him." I said calmly. Cole shook his head sadly, "You will be angry with me."

I started, "Why would I be angry with you?" He sat down, folding his legs and hanging his head, backed up against the wall. I looked to Solas, trying to see if he had any ideas. He shrugged at me, "He has been like this all day. I am not sure what has gotten into him." He muttered softly.

Pursing my lips, I went forward and grabbed the ladder, hauling myself up it. I sat with Cole, scooting closer so I wouldn't fall off the small space. I could see that he held my phone in his hands, cradled like it would shatter at any moment. I reached for it, and he handed it to me.

Glancing down at it, I noticed it was indeed on music, well rather my performing arts folder. I shot Solas a look and a raise eyebrow. He shrugged and chuckled, "It is intriguing. I was curious."

I rolled my eyes at him, of course he was. I turned my attention back to Cole, who slump further than before. "Cole, talk to me. Why would I be angry?"

"Hurt, betrayed, you wished you didn't know, wished he didn't see. I didn't know you then. I wanted to help!" He mumbled. I put my hand on his back, rubbing small circles, " Cole.. I don't understand. What happened?"

He looked up sharply, eyes meeting mine but he didn't see to see me, "I made him forget."


	17. Worse Than Not So Bad

**Chapter Seventeen; Worse Than Not So Bad**

I started, almost dropping the phone. "Cole.. Who?" It was all I could get out.

He hung his head, "Crying, pain, shame. Shouldn't see, shouldn't be so weak. Why did it happen, why did I hope? Make it stop, wish it never was."

He rambled, and my heart stopped. It couldn't be. He couldn't have! But there was only one person I could think of that would have been witness to my weakest points. One person that Cole was there to see me make a fool of myself in front of.

I was up on my feet and down the ladder before I realized I was moving. Solas tried to grab me, "Grace! Wait!"

But I had to fix this! I couldn't let this just go. I hated myself for how I had reacted. I wasn't prepared to see him yet. But to make him forget, to lose his memories. I wasn't angry with Cole, this was what he did all the time. It was his nature. But memories were valuable, and I would never let myself be the cause of something like that. Ready or not, I had to do something.

I skidded around corners, bolting for the tower. I would make sure Kieran and Yume were alright, then straight to the Commander. This couldn't wait now.

I flew into the Garden, Taking a moment to slow myself so the children would not see me so flustered. I waved them over, and we went into the tower.

Kieran asked if they could go to Morrigan for the evening study, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't relived. After giving them both lunch. I cleaned up the place, and set out the canisters and bags I would need to fill with our pantry stuffs. I was trying to collect myself, but quickly realised I was putting off the inevitable.

With a deep breath I turned and left the tower to seek out the Commander. Passing the Chantry, I stopped. I hadn't prayed to anything really. Not in a long time. Making a quick decision I opened the door.

The room was dark, but for some light from the windows and the candles set about. But not Dark enough that I could not see someone bent in prayer. The stood as I walked in. I stiffened, even in the dark I could make out the furry cloak and the stance.

"You.. I wasn't ready. But.." I stammered. This wasn't what I planned. _Of course he would be here Grace. _I sighed.

"You… You are?" He started. I held up a hand, quickly stopping him from the introduction I knew he would ask for. I took a deep breath dropping my gaze to the floor, and he held his silence for me.

"I.. I know you don't remember me.. but we've met. And I thought you were someone else, and I.. I threw myself at you. And then I ran away crying, and Cole tried to stop me before and I didn't listen and I made a fool of myself and then I avoided you. And Cole, he didn't mean any harm, he was just trying to help. And I know this all seems insane, and I am so sorry, and you didn't' even know me. And I avoided meeting you because I was ashamed because I thought you were my husband and my daughter called you 'Daddy', and that's really not the way I want to meet people and I… Why.. why are you laughing at me?"

I had been rushing it all out, and I didn't hear him start chuckling at first. But then he was laughing and I was forced to look up at him. He was red faced, holding a hand over his mouth as he laughed and shaking his head. I watched, going over all I had said and cringing. _Well… seems you are not only terrible at first introductions then. _I groaned.

"And I am making an idiot of myself still aren't I?" He chuckled, and cleared his throat.

"No, no I still remember you. Makers breath it's not as though I could forget something like that." He was smiling, chuckling a bit still. My eyes snapped to his face, "You.. you do?"

He nodded, "Yes of course! Though, if I had known you were as unsure as myself, I would had come to you sooner. There really is no harm done."

It took me a full minute of blank faced blinking and processing to realize what exactly that he had said. "You.. You were unsure? Why?" I asked surprised.

He shrugged, cocking a smile at me and glancing away, "I thought you would be upset at me for not being the person you thought. It's… not really the first time I have dealt with a grieving widow." He rubbed his neck nervously, "Frankly it never goes well for me. No offense meant." He said quickly.

I giggled, "No, we can be a bit unreasonable I know. I am hardly proof of a level headed woman as I am sure you noticed."

He smiled, "Well you can put worries aside. I took no offence. Your husband must have been a great man." I smiled brightly, "He was! And.. thank you. I was really worried."

And I still was. _Who had Cole been talking about? _I had rushed out so quickly, I hadn't even spoken to him. I winced internally. _Another rude and insensitive moment brought to you by.. Gracie! The perpetually awkward and near constant comic relief. _

He cleared his throat, "Well don't be. I suppose proper introduction would be a good way to start however. I am Cullen, Commander here of the Inquisitions forces." He nodded respectfully at me. I stifled a giggle at the formality. Extending my hand for him to grasp I straightened my posture, "Grace, unskilled laborer now working for the Inquisition." He took my hand, and kissed my knuckles. I blinked and flushed. _Uhm…. well that was..right! Knightly person.. forgot. _I chastised myself.

I took back my hand, forcing myself to not snatch it. "Well then…. now it seems we don't have to be strangers." _Smooth Gracie.. Smooth. _I really wanted to beat my inner voice down right then, but as always it wouldn't shut up.

He smiled, "I suppose it does at that. So.. I will leave you to your prayer then. Perhaps another time." He bowed a bit, and I didn't know what to do so I chuckled and nodded. He made his way past me and out the door.

I sat heavily against the wall near the giant statue. Looking up at it, I wondered about what similarities this God had to the one I knew about and believed in from my world. I never had gotten a chance to really study the religions of this world.

"Prayer huh? Seems a bit… sacrilegious actually." I told the statue. The statue had no reply so I took that for a "Yes oh little one, it would!"

I pushed myself up and off the wall. I needed to find Cole. He obviously had wanted to talk to me, and I owed him an apology for rushing off like that. _Just add it to the list of "Things I Screw Up and Need To Fix." Gracie. You could write a book on that! _I groaned, I probably could really do that even.

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I entered Solas's Rotunda and looked around for Cole. Solas had his back to me, leaning over his desk. "Did you fix the situation then Lady Grainne?" he asked without looking at me. I cringed back a bit. _That was.. Formal and displeased. _

"Uhm.. well I thought I could but I assumed it wrong, again. The Commander was not the ones that forgot. I.. was looking for Cole. I think… I think I owe him an apology." I said quietly. I felt very unsure of myself. He was not happy, that was obvious. "I'm.. I'm sorry Solas."

He straightened and turned to me placing his hands behind his back. "I do not think it is to me you owe the apology. You are correct in thinking it is to Cole. He is not here." He gesture around. I nodded, "Right. Well I thought I would check here first. Solas… Is everything alright?"

He nodded and turned back to his desk, "Of course, but I am very busy and I cannot afford to be distracted at the moment." But his voice held no trace of kindness, it was rather brisk. I nodded, but I knew he couldn't see. "Right, sorry. I will just let you get back to your work then."

I was… hurt? Insecure? Whatever I had done this time it obviously wasn't something he wanted to talk to me about. And… he was busy. I walked out, not even registering that I was going outside to the battlement. My mind was working overtime, as it tended to do.

_You did insert yourself into everything Grace. What do you even know about all this? About any of them actually. He probably is not the happiest about last night, and no way in hell would it be the right time to bring it up. Maybe… maybe later. _

My inner monologue kept time with my steps. There was a moment when I can to a door, and opened it. "Excuse me, Just passing through." I mumbled. "By all means Lady Grace." A voice answered me. I vaguely registered it as Cullen, and somewhat glanced his direction to see him sitting at his own desk rifling through papers. But I was through the next door and out onto the front battlements without another word.

I passed through a few more doors before entering the ruined room at the top of the tavern. I knocked on the door-frame, and thankfully no one was around. I knew Cole sometimes was found in the loft, from what Krem had mentioned once while we were drinking. Another sharp pang of regret. I opened the door to the loft, and looked around.

"Cole? Cole I am sorry I ran away. I should have talked to you instead…. are you here?" I didn't see anyone, but I sat down on the floor in a corner and waited. Nothing. I tried again, "Cole really I am sorry. I am not angry with you at all. Please come out?"

Still silence. I leaned my head back against the railing and closed my eyes.

_What am I doing?! I really messed up things. And now.. now I can't even amend for it. Maybe I should be able too. I need to be better, do better. I need to help around here not just make mistakes and act like it's all okay. There is an important cause here, and there are important people here. Their lives matter, and what they do must weigh enough on them personally without my adding to it. _

Honestly it made me want to cry. And how childish would that be. I felt all alone, and I should really. This was a different world, and I had not done a damn thing in it to make it better, or prove myself to anyone. I took a breath and stood up. If there were things I needed to do before I could earn the friendships, I would. Taking a chance I spoke out the empty room.

"Cole.. I don't want to lose a friend here. I am sorry, but I know I have work to do to fix things. Come talk to me whenever you want alright? Any friendship is worth a bit of stumbling to me. And.. This friendship is worth a bit of stumbling. I.. hope it might be to you too."

I was crying now, and I brushed the tears away. _Grow up Grace, strap some steel to your spin, and go do your work. _With that, I glanced around one more time. He still wasn't there that I could see, but I would say all that again if he ever asked. I turned and left. I had a whole evening of work to do for the home I lived in. I couldn't just be a distraction anymore, I needed to be a support for my friends now.


End file.
